I have had the most wonderful visit with my dear friend, Julie. She drove for 13 hours yesterday to get here and will leave early tomorrow morning. Talk about devotion, friendship and love! Brien and I met up with her last night, having dinner and drinks. Today we visited Colonial Williamsburg (where B and I both got rather sunburned) with Jessie and the girlies. We had a grand time exploring and visiting and just being together as a group of family and friends.
And yet, I've had a few difficult times last night and today. I honestly believe I need to sit and reflect on my day each evening and write it out so I can read it. This seems to help me more than I can describe. I keep reliving the moments of panic I had when I realized I could not find Hannah, that she was gone. The terror I felt was mixed with shock and a feeling I don't know that I will ever be able to describe. I somehow knew she was gone and only prayed to God they would find her body, that we wouldn't be waiting for days and days for her to be recovered.
Last night while rocking Lily for the third time (she had a rough evening), I was stroking her head, smelling her sweet Lily smell and suddenly I was smelling Hannah and the mix of Han, river water and sunscreen that I sniffed one final time in that hospital room. There are images and feelings I wish I could banish from my memory and heart. I would like to be done with the guilt and feelings of failure associated with losing Hannah. I would like to be done with the memory of Hannah in the ER. I wish I could just supplant all those memories with the joyous and joyful ones of Hannah that permeate the rest of my time with her. It's not fair that four hours' worth of memories should cloud almost six years' worth. It's just not fair and I HATE it!!!!!!
When I've been visiting with Julie, I've had great memories of Hannah to enjoy and share. (An aside: I worry people will tire of hearing Hannah stories, that they won't know how to respond to me and will be awkward trying to tiptoe around the subject of my sparkly girl.) But, when Julie was gone, I was left to my own devices and I felt so strange. I miss Hannah and have a HUGE hole in my chest. The anxiety has reappeared to torment me and I feel maudlin knowing there are new memories to be made without Hannah.
Today, while we were at CW, there was so much Hannah would have delighted in. I took in everything I could, determined to enjoy it all as Hannah would and yet I was so disappointed and sad she wasn't physically with me for me to laugh at and squeeze and hold hands with. Lily and Ella certainly provided distractions but it wasn't the same. Things just aren't the same without the Monkey around.
Julie and Brien and I went on to visit the huge Yankee Candle store while Jessie and the girls stayed home--Lily to nap, Ella and Jessie to rest. This was an enormous milestone for me as the memories of Hannah there are very overwhelming. The store is much like a mall with mini-stores scattered throughout. There is a home store, a fragrance store (Brien's favorite ;oP), two different toy stores, a "Builder Bear" as Han called it, and a very large Christmas section. The Christmas rooms are off a main holiday area that has a starry ceiling and Christmas displays everywhere. Periodically it will "snow". This "snow" is not confetti or papery type snow, but spitty bubbles that look fairly realistic.
A had a horrible moment while in the main holiday room. Every year we purchase Christmas ornaments for the girls with the idea they will take them with them when they leave home and begin to have their own Christmases. For one moment as I was looking at the ornaments I forgot Hannah was gone and was trying to decide which one would be best for her this year. (It should be noted I'm one of those horrible human beings that Christmas shops throughout the year so as to be finished by the beginning of December so I can begin wrapping and getting into the holiday spirit early.) I was horrified to come to the realization she is not here, physically with me, and then to realize we have a box full of ornaments Han won't be putting on the tree this year is unbearable.
This hurts more than I can describe. If you read through my archives from the end of November into December you will see just how much I LOVE the holiday season. For me it's not the getting, it's the giving and the spirit of the season and Hannah was beginning to get it. I know she will be with us but I don't know how I'm going to face it. This is one of those times when I need to focus on the "now" and let the "future" occur as it will.
I keep referring to Han's physical presence because that is what I miss. She is with me, all around me in fact. She is in my head, my heart, my soul. She is in the flowers in my yard, the sparkles in my ears, the drawings on my walls (don't ask). I know she is watching and around us, but I can't see her with my eyes and hug her with my arms. I can't sniff her head and smell her sweet Hannah smell. She is with me and yet she isn't and some days it's just torture.
********************************************
Today's Sparklies:
1. The weather today was beautiful! No stifling heat and oppressive humidity. There was a nice cooling breeze and it was lovely.
2. Sparkly earrings make everything better. :o)
3. CW and time spent with family and friends.
4. The water lilies are blooming again, this time there are two of them.
5. There were two frogs in the pond this evening, watching us watch them.
6. The wonders of CW and all the joy Han would have found in exploring everything there was to learn, touch, smell and see.
7. "Mommy, it's Yankee Candle!!!! May we go, please??" And so we did. :o)
8. Julie! Sweet, fabulous, wonderful Julie who braved I95 South yesterday afternoon to be here with me for less than 24 hours. What an amazingly special woman to do such a thing! :o)
Today's Milestones:
1. CW without Hannah. She loved museums to distraction and absorbed everything and I know she would have loved our trip today. (Another one of those guilty moments--we live only 10 minutes away, why didn't we bring her?? Oh, yes, there was always tomorrow.)
2. Yankee Candle. Thank you Julie for making what might have been a horribly maudlin visit fun and giggle-worthy. And thank you, Brien for being there to hold my hand when I needed it.
3. A new person visiting the house without the Monkey around to give the grand tour.
4. A new person in the area, again, without the Monkey around to give the grand tour. Han was always so excited to see fresh blood with whom she could share her love of everything Williamsburg.
Well, this post certainly got away from me and took a turn I didn't know it was going to take. I had hoped to hop on and do a quick update and log off. Oh, well. I hope that by once again writing what is in my heart I'll be on the road to improvement and acceptance. Brien and I talk daily about how we are doing and how we feel Hannah is all around us. We have agreed we need to live our lives as Hannah would want us to, finding the wonder and beauty in the world around us, living life to the fullest while taking it all in at our won pace. We want her to be proud of who her parents are. We discuss how thrilled we are she has made such a global impact and we believe that helps keep her alive more than anything we could have done on our own. Hannah has truly made a difference, and as her Mommy, I couldn't be more proud.
P.S. The little frog continues to peek in our sidelight every evening. He was out there tonight as we were walking Julie to her car. So sweet!
P.P.S I LOVE to hear any and all stories that remind you of the Monkey! Please don't be afraid to share! They put smiles on my face!! :o)
39 comments:
Rach, I am just so sorry that the last few days have been so difficult. ((((HUGS))))
Please don't ever feel you need to stop telling your Fancy Hannah stories. She is your daughter, nothing will ever change that.
Shopping tonight, found a sequined sparkly shirt Hannah would have loved.
Thank you so much for continuing to write about Hannah and to share your feelings. It is a constant reminder to me that I need to slow down and enjoy my children because none of us know how long we will have them. I attended a funeral yesterday for my best friend's dad and the preacher was talking about "going home" and how Heaven is such a better place than Earth but it's the "seperation" part that is so hard for us- the physical seperation. Like you said, she is all around you except not physically here and that is the hardest. I can't even imagine. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and I do pray for you daily that you can take baby steps and get through each day, one at a time!
You have such a way with words and putting to "paper" the exact way you feel. It cuts right through me...your thoughts and feelings and emotions about the loss of Hannah. You vividly describe things and I too can feel them, to share in your grief. I'm sure a lot of readers feel the same way.
The way you described Hannah being all around you, but yet the physical presence is missing...how bittersweet. How wonderful that you can still and always will, keep her close to you, but know that time will march on without her. Well, its all just overwhelming.
You are keeping Hannah's memory alive and that will never, ever die.
I am so sorry for your grief. My heart aches for you and your family.
If it is any consolation though, I think your feelings are so normal and it is so cathartic for you to write down your feelings here. Please don't stop.
Rachel
I am only a lurker, and a tipsy one at that. I visit your blog every day since I was directed here right after Hannah's accident. You have GOT TO STOP rushing yourself through your grief, girlfriend. People grieve for months, for years. I know you want to shut out the horrible feelings and memories of that day, and to only have the good of Hannah. That is never going to happen until you are able to accept, digest, replay over and over, and MAKE PEACE with the incident surrounding her death.
My heart breaks with you but you are rushing it. I know you want to be there with Lily, and focus on the positive, and gloss over and hope that those other memories go away, but those moments need to be etched on your brain and in your heart the same way the memories of Hannah that you WANT need to be. Your heart and your spirit need to be whole and you can't hide from what happened. I am not judging you, or saying you are hiding from your feelings, but more from the memories of that day. You can push it aside, you can try and bury it or ignore it, but it is still there waiting to be dealt with.
There but for the grace of God go I, is what I think every time I come here to pray for you and your Hannah. I know you are very spiritual, Rachel, and I think deep down you know that you need to go "there". I can feel it from your references to the event, and from your need to keep Hannah's memories close. I really, really think that until you do, you won't be able to find peace with yourself, you will somehow be blocking your healing, your "Hannah" moments. Hannah loves you and wants you to be happy. She will always be with you. Remember always that hindsight is 20/20 and we would always do something differently if we had a crystal ball. You are a good mother, and you have done the best for your children. Don't forget that. Allow yourself THE TIME TO HEAL. Death and grief and loss are never, ever easy. I've never lost a child, but I have stood witness to the lost of countless others. (I am a trauma nurse). It is so hard, as a bystander, without knowing you, to find the right thing to say. In the past three weeks, I've not felt compelled to post. I do now. I wish you love and peace.
With love,
Julie T.
I am so sorry for your understandable feelings of intense pain and loss. Keep on writing and getting it out if it helps.
I think you will probably forever carry the guilt... you are a mommy and by default we feel guilty over one thing or another it seems all the time. It's unfair because you are a good mother, and accidents happen... but as mothers, we bear the brunt of the guilt because that's just what we do.
I hope in time it will become easier... I also hope that you'll continue to talk about Hannah... if you are able to w/o feeling sadness... I love reading about your little monkey... so many of my online mommy friends from July05moms have started blogging because of Miss Hannah inspiring them. I have been inspired by her and by you... I take your words to heart when you talk about doing more things w/ the kids... not putting them off.
You guys in are my thoughts daily... often times each day. Hang in there. God Bless. :)
Sending you hugs. Please keep blogging and let us know whenever you need anything... we are here for you!
Hello, you do not know me, I was linked to you by a friend of your sisters, I like so many others have been reading your blog since you lost your beautiful Hannah. She reminds me so much of my daughter Kaylee.
My heart aches for you and what you and your family are going through. I have been praying for you daily and I can't seem to put into words how much your story has touched my life, and changed the way I parent my own children.
I along with so many others who have commented feel like I know you and have also lost a close family member. Not a day has gone by since I started reading that I haven't seen something that brings Hannah or your family to my thoughts, in fact it is usually several times a day. It may sound strange, but I have even had a wonderful dream of our daughters playing together, it was the sweetest thing. Hannah was dressed in her fairy wings and tiara and they were dancing around the clouds, jumping from one to the other. She is still making friends, it was the most beautiful thing.
It hurts to know that I can hold and hug my daughter and you are aching so badly to hold and touch yours. But know that she will live on through all these wonderful people who's lives she is still touching, mine included.
The best you can do is take one day at a time and keep her memory alive.
today I have no words of comfort. I just want to send you lots of hugs and love. I am sorry it was a difficult day -- that just sucks. I wish I could take away your pain if only for a moment.
Hi sweetie,
I just got off the phone with Julie. She said you were amazing in CW. That you were stopping to smell the roses.
Guilt is something that probably won't ever go away. I know I've not lost my guilt when it comes to loved ones I've lost. Things I didn't do at that last visit with my Dad (thinking oh the holidays will be here before you know it), the painful words I said to my Mom that I never could take back, the blame I laid on myself for losing the baby.
I don't have any advice as to how to get rid of it, because I've still got mine. I can tell you the sting of it does ease.
I'm still crying over your description of being with Hannah in the ER. I understand some of that pain. The pain of having to say goodbye to the physical. That's so hard. So very hard.
Shall I tell you about a milestone I had yesterday? I allowed Oldest to go to a NIGHT time movie with a group of friends. I figured it was time I stopped being an over protective Mom. She'll be 17 in a few months, and I have to start letting go.
That's such a hard thing for me to do. Because I don't want anything to happen to her. But I don't have any control over that, anymore than any of us have control.
Remember to go easy on yourself. Grief is a process that everyone travels through differently and at different paces.
Big Hugs, Mon
I will never tire of your Hannah stories. I've found myself going through your archived posts trying to get to know your sweet girl even more. I have been checking in on your blog everyday to see how you are doing. I'm yet just another stranger but your story has touched me so deeply.
I have three daughters and my first two are 5.5 years and 19 months of age. Very similar to your daughters' ages. I can say, without a doubt, that your story has changed my relationship with my children forever.
I wish I could take your pain and heartache away. There have been times in the past couple of weeks that I have thought of Hannah and wanted to share them with you, but I didn't know if that would make you feel worse. One moment was yesterday when I was taking my oldest to the dentist located in a strip mall. A couple of doors down there was a shop called The Fancy Place. I thought that would be just the place for a Fancy Hannah to shop!
I also will never tire of your Hannah stories. Remember - this is YOUR blog - your place to journal and share and do whatever it is you need to do. I was wondering - in so many posts you've spoken so highly of the hospital where Hannah stayed during the cat scratch incident, and also spoken of not wanting people to forget Hannah - would you consider organizing a "Fancy Hannah" charity for that area of that hospital? Possibly raising money for flowers or stuffed animals to be brought to the kids room. Or have people donate "Fancy Hannah" clothes so kids can "dress up" and feel pretty while they're in the hospital. I used to volunteer in a children's hospital the children's faces would just light up when they got to do anything that made them forget where they were for even 5 minutes. Just a thought.
What a fun and BRILLIANT idea, Gmama! I'll mention it to B and see what he thinks. I've also got a number of contacts there at the hospital (many of whom read my blog) who I can run this idea by. Thank you for an excellent suggestion!! :o)
I'm another person who has been following your posts for the last few weeks. I wish I had words or wisdom to comfort you as I feel your intense pain as I read tonight. Just keep up your writing and telling us how you are feeling, I think you know that we all care about you and your family. I would love to give you a hug and cry with you, even though I can not physically, know that I am in spirit.
Rachd, as always, I'm amazed by your spirit and your strength.
I have hesitated to say something before but... beware the feeling of guilt. As mothers we often feel that everything and anything that touches our children is somehow our responsibilities, and accepting that your sweet, sweet Hannah's passing was an accident will be probably the hardest thing for you to do. I pray and hope that your Compassionate Friends meeting tomorrow evening will help both you and Brien deal with that.
From this little corner of the world, we are keeping all of you in our hearts and thoughts and prayers.
I have been reading your blog for a few weeks, my heart is so sad for you and your family. I can't even imagine. I was a Hobby Lobby today and saw frog fabric. I thought of your sweet baby girl. Then I was scanning through some websites and saw some old fashion sock monkey puppets. Once I again I thought of her.
So, know that she has touched so many people in this small world. I go back to work-2nd grade this week. I would like to remember Hannah and her love for life. I'll let you know how I do that, once I decide.
Know that people world wide are praying for your family.
May the peace that only God can give, live in your heart and your families hearts tomorrow.
Blessings
I'm always checking to see if there is another sweet monkey story today! Keep writing them, we never get tired of hearing Hannah stories!
Big Big Hugs to you Rachael!!!!
Your stories and memories and feelings of Hannah are beautiful. Please continue to tell her story and yours. It makes me grieve for you and celebrate my family all at once.
Guilt is something that all mothers feel. I felt it when my daughter burned herself on my curling iron, or when my son fell and chipped one of his teeth badly enough to require emergent dental care. My kids' "accidents" are minor, I realize. Guilt happens anyways. Just know that us fellow mommies know about guilt and at the same time know that it is really not our fault.
As usual, I've cried reading your post. You are an amazing woman. I think about you often even though I don't know you.
I thank you for writing your blog in the wake of such loss. It has helped me to be infinitely more patient with my children. I thought that I had the perspective that my time with my kids while they are little is short, but your blog has reminded me that I am blessed to have two healthy children and that my time with them while they are little could potentially be my only time with them.
I did a "fun box" with my kids this summer and took a few trips that I didn't want to do, but still did because the "fun box" said we were supposed to. I'm so glad I did.
You are so right that Hannah has touched many lives. You are right to be proud.
It just stinks to have to have lost her from this Earth to teach so many of us this beautiful lesson.
Rachael - How cool that your friend drove all that way to see you guys - that should PROVE what wonderful people you are :O) I am so sorry it was a hard day, I only wish I could do something for you! I was at toys r us today looking at books of all things and there were some cool sparkly ones that made me think of Hannah - unfortunately not in our budget at the moment, but I may head back next month to pick one up for Ryan
Today Jack and I set out to buy wood for the deck from Lowe's. As I stood there waiting for him to check if they were straight or not, I wondered what Hannah would have done? I imagine she would have associated the smell of wood with the Lowe's logo and had some cute name to go with it! :)
Also, on our way home the clouds were really broken up into tiny ones all over the sky with blue shining through. I wondered what animals or patterns/picture she would have seen. Then, that bright sun sparkling through the sky...it made me smile and say a prayer for you and your fam.
Thanks for the encouragement on my blog! I appreciate it.
Rach, my heart aches big for you. Keep taking one day at a time.
Put Hannah's christmas ornaments up this year, and every year buy her a new sparkly one in remberance of her. Your Christmas tree will be so sparkly, with love.
(((Hugs)))
Mrs.Carrot
I've commented once before, but feel I must again. It's been almost three years since I lost my brother. He would have been 40 this year. I can tell you that the "firsts" of every holiday and new experience are extremely difficult. It does get a little better each year. It's still difficult to get through it, but then I begin to think about what he would have liked on the tree at Christmas, or what food he loved at Thanksgiving. And even the ham he hated at Easter. lol. We always had to get him fried chicken from KFC. He was paralized from the chest down due to a swimming pool accident at 25. I, too, feel guilty that we didn't go more places with him. There was always and excuse: It was a pain to get him in and out of the van, he would get too hot and get sick, it took too long to get him up and ready. Who cares? All we have is time. Take your time and smell your roses for as long as you need to. I only wished we had.
I think you are doing an awesome job hanging in there. I love to hear all of your Hannah stories. It helps me to appreciate my own children. Yes, they have their difficult days, but you help me to remember the good outways the bad.
Lots of hugs and prayers.
Oh sweetie, you can't buy more ornaments for Hannah forever, I say do it!!
In fact, how about a Hannah tree that Lily helps you decorate? Lily may not be old enough this Christmas but wouldn't it be awesome to have a Hannah tree that Lily has, and can take with her one day full of her sister's oranments? That is..if you are willing to part with it.
By the way, there is a new baby at Griffin's daycare, she is 6 weeks old, and her name is Hannah. I just think it is quite ironic and I think little Miss Hannah Monkey is just making her appearance all over the place for all of us to see.
You may think of the bad things, here and there, but something you said last week struck me. Hannah will always be 5 years old and boy did she seem thrilled with that. So smile when you think of her at 5 and know she much pretty darn happy.
You are a great mother,wife, friend, INSPIRATION, keep your chin up!!
well, the others got ahead of me with the same idea- great minds and all? Put up a special Hannah tree every year and add to it. Maybe in Lily's room so she can see it every night. Or somewhere special. Sparklie it up.
I love the hospital idea too.
xoxo
ev
oh, and don't feel bad about the early xmas shopping either. I think I am halfway done already. I start the day after xmas and buy ornaments whenever we go somewhere, or I find a shop. I will be done by T-giving mostly, so I can start getting all the trees up. Yeah, trees. The outside stuff goes up the day after Halloween, so I don't have to climb ladders in the snow and ice. Unless I left them up the year before. Which I do.
Hello!
So glad to read your post today...like I've mentioned before; I check it all the time for new posts....even on vacation! And...you've inspired me to start my own, I'll let you know when I get it up and running.
There was a song at church this morning that made me think of you, and I wept through the whole thing. I'm sure everyone around me wondered what exactly was going on with the tears streaming down my face...but the words to the song were so, so meaningful...it is called "He Will Carry Me" by Mark Schultz. I don't know if you evey access iTunes, but it's on there if you're interested.
Anyway, you, and Hannah, have made SUCH a differece in the lives of SO MANY already - and people continue to spread the word of you blog - it's around the world!!! I think you are dealing with everything in such a healthy, healing way. I also think writing about it is so wonderful, not only because of the many, many people is has and will impact - but also becuase it is something you will always have.
One more thing, sorry this is so long....I LOVED the earlier commenters idea about doing something in Hannah's memory for the hospital, it also made me think that by doing something like that, the joy that it would bring to the patients would begin to replace the horrible thoughts you currently have about your hospital experience - and then eventually when you thought of the hospital you'd think of the tremendous happiness you brought to current patients. Does that make sense??
Anyway, sorry so long...
A friend in Nebraska
I also say continue to put up the ornaments for Miss Hannah Monkey... they will sparkle even more brightly this year, I am sure!
Since my Fancy Nancy lesson went over so well at Summer School, I am adding it into my regular lessons during the school year!
Hugs to you!
Laurie in NJ
laurie@netalias.net
Such a powerful post! I pray that as you continue to express your feelings and thoughts that it will bring you some measure of comfort.
God is with you through it all! I pray that you will feel His presence today. Love, Velvia
Lots of HUGS and Prayers to you!!
and what a nice idea about "Fancy Hannah" clothes and things for the children's hospital stays.
oh I love the idea of a special Hannah tree!
Hannah has changed my life (and so many others that I've passed your blog address on to). Thank you SO MUCH for sharing her with all of your readers! My relationship with my little boy (age 15 months) is different since I've started reading you blog. I'm trying my very best not to sweat the small stuff.
I love the idea of a fancy Hannah tree for Lily to decorate!
Thank you for your continued inspiration Rachael.
Jen
I love that you are celebrating Hannah's life and thinking of ways to honor her so beautifully. It is inspiring to read you are already finding ways to replace the saddess of July 19th, Hannah's future birthday's (she is just 9 days older than my first son) and holiday's with moments and celebrations that make you smile.
I will never get tired of the Stories, they make me smile.
I bought my first cpoy of "Fancy Nancy and the posh puppy" I am not sure if it is new or not, but it is another "Fancy book". i read it to Isabella today and she said "what a fabulous book, and I loooove her clothes" LOL it was cute and inspired by Hannah. Nick asked what I got from the book store and I said "Fancy Hannah" then I giggled and said "Fancy Nancy" I guess what I was thinking just came out.
I will continue to come and offer you cyber support, and I am delighted you are surrounded by friends and family to lift you when you fall.
My nephew died, and I often worry that people will tire of me talking about him. Everyone tells me not to worry about it---talk about him as much as I want.
My sister is always afraid that people will forget him because he was only 2. He didn't save the world. He didn't cure cancer. He didn't bring about world peace....
...but man---if you knew him. If you were LUCKY enough to know him...he changed your whole world.
And some days---in some situations---it just hits you that he's not here---that his "physical presence" is not going to hug you again, is not going to blow you kisses again...it just makes your breath get shallow, your heartbeat race, tears stream down, and lonely.
And I imagine that's just how you feel.
My heart goes out to you each day....
I found your blog through a friend today, and I felt compelled to leave a comment. My heart aches for you and your family. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories, and know that Hannah lives on through the sharing. This is your blog and if someone doesn't want to read a Hannah story, they can choose not to. If you need to share a memory, then do so.
You and Hannah have inspired me to rekindle my own favorite things type list, I call it my AWEsome Things.
Lots of love from someone you do not know,
Denise in WI
I love the Fancy Hannah stories too, Rach. They are so precious, and I learn so much from each and every one of them. What a journey you are on right now - it is really amazing to see how your Monkey touched so many lives, and is continuing to do so - her legacy!
Hang in there, big hugs and keep on writing whatever comes to your heart. Don't worry about what we think - it is YOUR blog, anyway! Us bloggers just want to see you heal, and that takes lots of processing. Write your heart out, girl! :) I always look forward to your posts. SO inspirational!
{{BIG HUGS AND NOISY SMOOCHIES}}
Yankee Candle is such a fun place. I was amazed by all the unique ornaments. I'm convinced I should've gotten that one with the woman's legs on it for Scott.
I loved hearing the Hannah stories. She is such a special little girl and for someone so small to have had such a full life, that shows what terrific parents she had.
That little frog is just precious. I was surprised by how little it is. :o)
I am crying as I type....
Today we *went* to CW, not knowing anything about it. We had NO idea of the price (we have four kids)or the HUGE layout, so we decided not to stay today because there is always a "next time".
I thought of Hannah SO much the last few days as we were vacationing in Va Beach. I wish she would have been there today reminding me that tomorrow is never a guarantee.
There is SO much more that I could say, Hannah has impacted me more than I can tell you. If you ever need someone to listen to your Hannah stories, I am all ears :)
She makes me smile each time I read about her or see her fancy-ness! I am sure my daughter & her would be the best of friends, two of a kind
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