Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Posting Early Tonight
First of all, I want to thank Kristy at BOL for the wonderful Fancy Hannah banner. It is so beautiful and it makes me smile to see it. She was such a divine little girl! :o)
I'm posting early this evening because I'm going to take an early night. Actually, Mom and Jessie and I have made a pact. We determined we were the craziest ladies last night as we looked around and realized we were all sitting in my living room typing on our computers instead of interacting with each other. If I have learned anything from my time with Hannah it's that life is meant for living, not sitting around on your duff instead of playing with your family. We plan on logging off by 8:00 and we're going to play a fantastic card game called Hand and Foot. Then, when they have beaten me soundly (see previous post...), we will head up to my bedroom to clean out my closet. Now doesn't that sound like fun?!? ;oP Actually, I have been steadily adding nice quality pieces of clothing to my wardrobe this summer and it's time to weed out the older, not as nice articles. I'm pretty excited about it!
Jessie took Ella and Lily on a playdate with our friend Rachel and her two children today. Apparently Lil isn't the snatcher-pest monster I fear she is and was actually quite well behaved and even garnered an invite back (we would LOVE to meet up, Rach!). Wow! Unfortunately, she fell asleep on the ride home and then of course had no nap for the rest of the day. She was out like a light by 6:30 and should be up by 6:00 tomorrow morning (boo hoo hoo). It has been so disgustingly hot and humid you can't do much outside. The temperature today was well above 100 and the humidity was close to that! It is actually difficult to breathe in such hot, humid conditions so the girls have been trapped in the house in the a/c.
Brien is having a fantastic time in Blacksburg. He sounded so elated when I spoke with him this morning. He took the scenic route home (I still refer to Blacksburg as "home"), winding along the Blue Ridge Parkway, pulling over to take photos of particularly beautiful or meaningful views. He had a very restful and exciting evening last night. I'm sure I can't do this story justice, but I'm going to try to do my best. B said he had laid down in the bed, preparing to go to sleep but wasn't quite there yet when the most extraordinary thing happened. Although his eyes were closed, Hannah's cute little "picture" sandals suddenly materialized in front of his eyes. They were apparently ephemeral but B knew what they were and spoke, saying, "Hello, Hannah." This is where an even more amazing event occurred--he said the most beautiful, vibrant, pink flower he has ever seen bloomed right before his eyes, followed in short order by hundreds of them. He went on to say his body tingled, as it has never tingled before and that he knew Hannah was there telling him, "I'm okay, Daddy!" Wow! Brien said when it was past, he felt elated and wonderful and energized. I'm sure envious!
My morning started out as shaky as last night ended. I was still feeling morose and sad and just out of sorts. Then, out of the blue, I began to feel better. Mom and I began to take a look at the curriculum and I ran numerous ideas by her and found out I do know what I'm doing! Is there anything more exciting than discovering you might not be as clueless as you feared? While I'm in the midst of this epiphany, my friend Kathy called and volunteered to come and help me with my classroom. Wow! What a godsend!
Mom and I met Kathy at 1:30 (okay, I was running a little late) and she immediately helped me begin to sort and organize my stuff (I really do need to work on improving my specificity of language...). She would pick up a box and ask where I wanted the items put, and if I seemed clueless (which I readily admit I was) she would offer suggestions. It was FABULOUS! Kathy's classroom was one I was always very envious of as it is always very neat and orderly and not overly cluttered and I knew she would be the perfect person to help me figure out what to do. Oh, Kathy, thank you SO much!! :o)
Kathy said something today that really stuck with me. I'm making a fresh and new start here at Walsingham. I was good at what I did in second grade and I loved my time downtown. I really did. However, it is most definitely time for a change and now is an excellent time. I've mentioned how I know there is no way I could be there emotionally for my emotionally needy children. Additionally, I'm relieved I no longer have a 45 minute commute as it would be arduous given my propensity to rehash all the details of Hannah's last day. Anxiety attacks combined with Hampton Roads' craziest on the roads would be a terrible combination!
At this moment I feel as if Hannah is away at a camp or some such vacation and will be breezing in the door at any moment, delighted and slightly breathless, as she tells me all about how much fun she has been having. Oh how I wish this were the case. I sometimes laugh and sometimes cry to think Hannah will get to be five forever. Oh how Hannah loved being five! She had such adventures this year, especially within the past four or five months. She learned to whistle, to trill her R's, to ride her bike without training wheels and was becoming a whiz bang reader and writer! But, she will never lose a tooth. Every evening I would tease her about her tiny baby teeth, telling her probably wouldn't lose one until she was seven because they came in so late. I would teasingly tug on her arm hair, ribbing her about how long it was, at which point she would giggle and laugh while trying to talk to me about it. I would lie in bed with her, telling her "Princess Hannah Monkey" stories. Tales that involved Princess Hannah Monkey riding around on her flying banana and getting into mischief. Then, I would snuggle her for a moment and climb out of bed, taking a moment to sit on her feet and complain bitterly as to how lumpy and bumpy the bed was, setting off another fit of giggles and laughter. :o)
At least I can still hear her tiny little voice and her laughter in my mind. I miss her terribly, but today the memories were all sweet and fun, not bitterly sad. Whew!
See this little guy right here? He has been visiting nightly since Hannah's death, hanging out in our side light windows. What a cutie! I'm positive it's Miss Hannah hanging out to make sure everything is okay with her family, or at least she's sending us a sign she is okay.
1. I wore Hannah's sparkly "crystal" bracelet all day.
Oops, not too many yet today. I need to work on that!
1. One full day sans Brien and I'm doing well.
2. I began to get my classroom in some semblance of order--thank goodness!
3. I tackled the curriculum and think I might actually be able to do this fifth grade thing. ;o)
4. I had a bunch of sparkly stickers in my room Hannah would have ADORED and I managed to smile wistfully at the thought of Han instead of crying.
5. Tuna casserole sans Han--she really hated it, "I don't much care for tuna casserole, Mommy. I don't like the onions" but of course, it made me think of Hannah.
I hope everyone has an amazingly sparkly evening. If it's not 100 degrees where you are (like it is here, right now at 7:30!!) go out and catch some fireflies!! :o)