We had our second Compassionate Friend's meeting this evening. Emily, bless her generous soul, came and babysat for us while we went. From all appearances, she and Lil had a great time! :o)
I'm tired, my contact lenses are completely dried out, and I want to go to bed, but I need to get this written first. This journaling is such an important step for me. On days I don't journal and reflect I am more out of sorts the following day. This is a way for me to be introspective and, to quote Kenny Rogers, "check in to see what condition my condition" is in. The feelings are easier for me to manage when I identify and deal with them on a daily basis as opposed to letting them build up.
The Compassionate Friends meeting was once again very helpful. There is comfort in being with a group of people who have all experienced similar losses. Losing my Papa was the most difficult thing I had ever experienced up to this point, and it is nothing compared to the pain of this loss. I have been unable to identify any specific pattern for my days, they are what they are. Some days are super, some I'm just there, and some hurt so horribly I don't know how I'm going to keep moving forward. And yet, I still manage to.
Today was a "normal" day. I felt decent today--not too happy, not too sad, just here. And you know what, just "here" is just fine. The overwhelming sadness is so hard to manage I'm content to be "just here". I've decided God won't let you have too many horrible days in a row because you would be unable to breathe, let alone function.
As I'm typing, I feel myself fading fast I'm so tired. So, on with the sparklies!
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Today's Sparklies:
1. Emily--what more could a person ask for than a friend who is there to babysit and bring dinner?
2. Sister Rose--she is now teaching my students religion and is wonderful.
3. My new fifth grade teaching partner--she's here and she's really nice! :o)
4. The two little green tree frogs hanging out outside the porch light. They are just so sweet. :o)
5. Lily--she is just too funny as she plays with her new trains.
Numbers 6 and 7 are MONDO sparklies--they were two utterly random acts of kindness that floored me with their kindness and generosity
6. I received a package today from a nice lady in Dallas, TX. I'll post pictures and a link tomorrow, but suffice it to say she sent a very meaningful gift that is VERY appreciated.
7. I had already received the package when I checked my mail at lunch time. There, in my mailbox was an envelope with a message saying the author is a dance instructor who thought Hannah's dance was beautiful. She was including a bunch of sparkly stickers she had given out at their dance school's open house. That one really made me cry it was such a sweet and beautiful message.
Today's Milestones:
1. Our second Compassionate Friends meeting.
That's all I can think of tonight as my eyes are now glued open from the nastiness that is bone-dry contact lenses. And, I'm nodding off as I type so I'm off. Good night everyone!
13 comments:
Some days are like holding patterns. I so greatly admire your ability to write it out. I sit down to write and come up with not much, or just the very maudlin. Hannah and Lily are so lucky to have a mama like you. I need to tell you again that I have drawn a lot of strength just from your ability to do this. We have never met and yet you and your beloved daughter taught me so much about appreciating what I have... and then not having as many regrets as I could be having right now. Before his death I spent a lot of time just appreciating my husband and telling him what he meant to me. I have Hannah and you to thank for that. I am at the end of a very bad day and am so very glad I stopped here first.
I can't wait to hear about what you got!!!! :) The letter is priceless!
Good night Rachel
Sleep well, and wishing you a very good, happy day tomorrow..
May you all have sweet dreams of your sparkly daughter & sister.
Glad you have that meeting to go to, I think it will help you both. I thought of you and hannah this morning as a I got dressed to go to the doctor. I wore my diamond earrings, necklace and pink ring (sparklies) just for Hannah!! I so neede good luck.
More on that in a private email later.
But, thank you for caring about me.
Hugs.
Wow Rach, what a day! I can see why the contacts got a beating, too! (I've been there too...so dry that you practically pull out your eyeball trying to get them off!!!) but I am so glad that you were able to go to your meeting and childcare was all lined up! I am eager to hear about that package! :)
I can't wait for tonight's post to see what it is!!!
Sweetie, the old saying, God will only give us what we can handle is true. Sometimes it stinks to handle it..but you do it.
Irish rain dancing here today...and we sure needed it!
Wishing you a beautiful day today :)
I am glad that you are having good days. I cannot even imagine how you must feel.I do know that you make God look so amazingly bigger and better because people will look at your life and loss and know that nothing in this world would cause you to go on after a loss like you have had. They have to know that it is supernatural!The way that you are coping will make people want what you have! The devil wants you to bury yourself in a hole and wallow in self pity, and quit living a full life, but God wants you to get out of that pit and show the world that He is God and we are all here temporarly and we will see our loved ones again.This world is not our home we are just passing through and our job is to bring as many with us a we can.I'm sorry that I always post as anonymous but I don't have a blog I just read them. I am not too good at the setting up blog thing. I hope you have the best days ahead of you.
staylor@apexcstenn.com
Glad you had a "here" day. :)
Hi Rach!! I wanted to invite you to check out my froggy friends!! I only recently got into gardening... but the more plants we add, the more little creatures we find hanging around our backyard! I think of Hannah every time I see them... I know she would be so excited!! If you'd like to check out the pictures, go here... www.emilylovestim.blogspot.com
Bear Hugs!
Sleep well sweetie!
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