Sleep. Ah, sleep. I wish I could stay asleep once I fall asleep. If it's not the dogs yapping, it's the cat thudding on us (he weighs about 20 pounds...) and not budging, or Lil waking up crying. Or, it's my traitorous body waking up after only four hours' sleep with me wide awake. All this leaves me feeling very exhausted by 8:30 at night.
Combine this with the feelings of having no free time and I'm getting a little restless. It seems I spend the majority of my time during the week grading papers, planning lessons and worrying about the students. That is, when I'm not worried about my family, and stressing over cleaning my house. I can't seem to balance everything right now and I'm getting frustrated.
I don't have the time to visit the blogs I enjoy (hi everyone I've been missing for the past three weeks!), to read for pleasure, or to stamp and make cards. I'm ready for a break. I've got round two of parent/teacher conferences Thursday, and then a two-day week and then Thanksgiving break. Whew.
Thanksgiving is going to be different this year, for so many reasons. Of course, there's the obvious of Hannah not being physically with us. Then, it will just be Mom, Brien, Lily and me. I can't remember the last time we had Thanksgiving with so few people. I always think of Thanksgiving as being a crowd of friends and family with a room full of love and laughter, and the joy of camaraderie. I confess I'm a bit distressed there will only be the four of us, but I know we will make the best of it.
Lissie and I will be stampin' fools (maybe Nana could join us) and then, Friday will be spent getting the house ready for the holidays, including getting the tree. I know I have seemed to be a Christmas curmudgeon, but I'm not. I ADORE the holiday season, but don't want to see it begin before Thanksgiving. I'm already planning the decorations and thinking about what we will do to honor Hannah.
Then, Saturday is my birthday, so we'll have to do something fun then, too. :o) I'm just looking forward to some fun and free time, a time to be stress free and with my family. Is that wrong of me?
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Today's Sparklies:
1. Thank you, Rachel! The package arrived today, and I'm holding on to it for all I'm worth until I have a down yo again. :o) BTW, I opened the other gift today--I've been a little stressed--and the bracelets are fantabulous!
2. My latest Stampin' Up! order arrived today. So much fun! :o)
3. One of the stamp sets came die-cut so I didn't have to cut it out--yay!!
4. I had another compliment on my weight loss today. Those always feel good. :o)
It seems I really am having a down-ish day. I need time for me, I just have to figure out how to get it.
Today's Milestones:
1. I'm actually planning the holidays without the Monk. How is that possible? How in the world is it possible I'll be having a Thanksgiving sans the Monkey? I'm thinking through all the ways to honor Han throughout the holiday season, instead of making plans to spend time with her. I HATE that, and yet, here I am.
I think I need a good night's sleep and a stress-free weekend to gain a better perspective and readjust my attitude. I'm tired and grumpy and need a break. I hope the rest of you aren't grumpy like me...
12 comments:
Rach,
I hope you can get your much needed sleep. You're in my prayers as you reach each of these huge milestones. Holidays can be so bitter-sweet, so I'll be hoping that you find peace in Lily hugs and the other favorite things.
Somehow I get the feeling that you're more pleasant than most even on your self-proclaimed "grumpy" days. I just can't picture it, Rach. You're a ray of sunshine. And if there's a day when you need to groan or grumble, I bet it's well deserved. But grumpy? No way.
Love,
Kelly
I hate that the holidays are going to be spent without your Hannah. That makes me sad. I pray that you feel her around you often! Big hugs sweetie!
I'm glad you liked them! I thought they were beautiful, but I might be biased =). I especially LOVED the silver beads with the little stars on them...SO sparkly! I hope Lily likes hers =)!
At the checkout stand at Joann's tonight, they had a little bowl with tubes of sparkly bath gel and as soon as I saw it I thought, "Hannah would have loved that!" Your sweet little girl will not be forgotten!
I'm glad the package came! I think you'll like it =)...
Hang in there! It's almost Thanksgiving break!! And thank you again for the breath-taking pictures you post! I think it's amazing the way you "suck the marrow out of life"; you remind me of Robin Williams in "Dead Poet's Society" that way, so aware of all the good life has to offer.
Hugs.
There is a wonderful website, www.flylady.net, where the practical advice for getting and staying organized applies to life and not just your house. Mini-misisons and routines have you baby-stepping through the day. Your routines put you on auto-pilot and you find that things seem to be getting done without you truly realizing it!
Give it a look!!!
Elisa
Sorry you are overwhelmed, Rachael. I wish I lived closer so that I could help you with whatever.
For now, do what is only absolutely necessary and let the rest fall to the side. When you have the chance to catch your breath, you'll get to those too. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to do everything at one time.
Hugs!
I hope you're able to get some good sleep and the stress goes away soon! It's definitely not wrong for you to want to be with your family and not have stress!
I'm sure this holiday season will be really rough for you guys...I can only imagine. But it sounds like you're taking a great approach by looking for ways to honor Hannah, which is so important.
Good luck getting through the next couple of weeks and I'm always praying for you and thinking about you!
Hi Rachael:
I,too, struggle with that illusive state of being called sleep. The worst of it for me is that my mind travels many miles while lying there - and over some territory I'd much rather not visit. To make matters worse, if I don't do it in my conscious state, my dreams take me over some pretty rough terrain. SHEESH! Can't win for losing.
It is not only NOT wrong for you to want some fun & stress-free times with your family, it is VERY right! Grab that sucker by the tail & whirl about 'til you're dizzy!
Wishing you & yours a fantastic week filled to the guppers with all that makes you happy.
Blessing & prayers send your way...
Im a little grumpy too
Hope you get some sleep!
Ok, I HATE taking drugs, but sleep deprivation due to body changes from age have made me do the same thing as you Rach. I get to sleep and then I'm wide awake after just a few hours. Talk to your doctor...I use temazapam in a very LOW dose, which is non-addictive. It doesn't help getting one to sleep, but it does help keep you in that deep REM sleep that you need to be rested.
A natural thing to try is melatonin. My doctor recommended it for helping me get too sleep, when the stress of our current situation gets to be too much for me.
What you're going through physically is a natural process for what you're going through emotionally. A small crutch to help you as you move forward in your healing process could be of great value to you, particularly when it comes to keeping you healthy. When you don't sleep you get run down, which reduces your immune system. You need to stay healthy kiddo.
Hugs and LOve Mon
We always seem to remember an especially poignant Thanksgiving, Rach, and for me it was one year when I had to send my daughter to her dad for a year, and I was all alone. I invited three families over, all of which were having very hard times. It was like a bright spot in all of our lives, holding ourselves together through the holidays. So many Thanksgivings have come and gone, and I always remember that one, because one of the people that I invited over was George. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that years down the road I would marry him, and have my life blessed with his four children.
I hope you get some much needed rest. I am always thinking of you and your family.
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