As always this time of year, I'm in full-on frenzy mode, with a healthy dose of stress thrown in for good measure. As is typically the case when I begin to feel stressed, I feel Hannah's absence so much more keenly and miss her so much more.
This afternoon I was, unfortunately, brought right back to the day I lost Hannah and it came from such an unexpected source--a four year old. She let me know she knew what happened to Hannah and then went on to repeat something I'm sure she heard at home, which has upset me quite a bit. I didn't let the child know I was distressed, I just acknowledged what she said and moved on. However, it has really left me shaken and in a state of mild anxiety for the past thirty minutes.
I am just as guilty as the next person of making assumptions and judgments while not having all the facts. I know I was particularly quick to rush to judgment before we lost Hannah and I've tried to be so much better about it now. When hearing a story or viewing a news article/story, we are only seeing what people want us to see, or only one person's side of the story. Typically, we aren't privy to the whole story and all the gory details, so it's easy to draw conclusions that aren't necessarily completely accurate that paint the person in a very poor light. Current cases of missing persons and their spouses/parents come to mind here. We have lost sight of the mantra, "innocent until proven guilty" and it's a shame. We are so quick to judge and cast blame without knowing all the details. It's as if we want to say, "Well, that could never happen to me."
Well, you know what, it could happen to you. It could happen to any of us and we need to remember the saying, "Judge not lest ye be judged". This is something I've become so much better about in the year since Hannah's death. Her death was a horrible, tragic ACCIDENT and I accept that. Sometimes though, sometimes I still hurt and blame myself and when I'm given reminders such as the oh so innocent one today, it's hard.
I'm going to be fairly busy with the final touches of school work this evening, so this is it for the day.
1. The two hummingbirds who just hovered by me for about thirty seconds. It's as if they were coming to check me out and assure me it is all going to be okay.
2. The weather is gorgeous and Lil and I are spending a good bit of time outside this afternoon.
3. We're having steak teriyaki for dinner. YUM!
4. Seeing all my fifth grade babies grown up over the summer. They were at school as orientation buddies today and it was so wonderful to see them.
5. Lola and I have the first semester's social studies curriculum planned/mapped out. YAY!
6. Tomorrow is Friday and a half day at that. I'll get to meet all my new students and I'm really looking forward to it. :o)
Tomorrow's going to be full of fun, adventure and exhaustion. Wish me luck. ;oP