I'm 32 years old. It's time for me to begin acting more like an adult, even if it means doing those things which I find tedious and notsomuch fun. You know, things like creating a budget and sticking with it. I hate finances. I hate worrying about money. I hate dealing with it all. I like having money to pay for daycare and food and clothing, but I don't enjoy talking about it and planning and all the other things that are involved in being a responsible adult. Discussing our financial situation always leaves me feeling vaguely nervous with a sick feeling in my tummy.
As Brien and I sit discussing it right now, I'm not feeling as awful as I usually do. I think a HUGE part of my problem is I'm an ostrich. I would rather bury my head in the sand and pretend whatever the problem may be didn't exist. Brien, meanwhile, likes to confront things head on. Using his method this evening, I confess, I'm feeling less wretched and more confident as to how things are looking for us. You would think as much as I like having a plan and routine I would have done this MUCH sooner. I believe having a plan in place now is why I'm feeling pretty good. In fact, as I sit here typing, I'm kicking myself, wondering why I didn't just sit down and do this sooner.
I think this loathing I have for dealing with money stems from my childhood. Papa was physically disabled and received a small disability check every month. This check had to somehow cover the costs of his medicines (almost $600/month back in the early-mid '90s), his car payment, living expenses, utilities, etc. as well as what seemed to be insurmountable medical expenses from various trips to and stays in the hospital about once every three months. Once he had his first stroke when I was thirteen, he was no longer able to write, so I had to sit and write checks and pay the bills. It was a grueling experience, deciding who would take less than the minimum payment that month, who would need to be paid in full and who could be skipped for a month (or, sometimes two). Goodness, it makes me ill remembering the juggling that had to be done. Needless to say, I learned to balance a checkbook at an early age and learned just how far a dollar would sometimes need to be stretched.
I suppose this experience should have taught me to be more responsible instead of sending me the way of the ostrich. Alas, B has been after me to do this FOREVER and I've only just been willing to suck it up and do it. There is something so comforting in being a child and having everyone else take care of these things for you, things YOU don't have to worry about.
The way we have budgeted things right now has us putting money into savings and 401K/Roth IRAs every month and still allows for paying for everything as it should be. :o) Savings are a very VERY good thing. :o) I want to remember those lessons in frugality from my childhood and apply them to my life now as the economy is looking like it may continue on its downward spiral for a while before it improves again.
For now, my stomach is only a little queasy and we have a plan in place. I always function better when there's a known plan. Here's to a more fiscally responsible me! :o)
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I'm not sure what is going on with Miss Bit. I'm left scratching my head, wondering if maybe it is indeed growing pains causing her problems because I can't figure out what else it could be other than the terrible threes. Today was another not so great listening day at Miss Shari's as Lil wouldn't participate in circle time at all. Why oh why oh why? :sigh:
I've decided we need to have some visual form of positive reinforcement here at home. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I've got a pretty deep bag of tricks. I'm thinking maybe a race track where a little Lil on a stick runs a block every day she gets smilies at Shari's. There may be little treats along the way and some sort of big reward at the end of the path. There will be no moving back a space if there was a bad day, but there will be some sort of consequece. I'll let you know what I come up with.
She is, after all, only just three. She's still learning. She'll get there--soon I hope. ;o)
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Brien and I got married young, at 22 and 23, just after I graduated from college. As such, we had very little money and had no honeymoon. We are approaching our 10 year anniversary and looking at doing something honeymoon-ish then. We're discussing all sorts of possibilities, everything from a stay in Old Town Alexandria, to a trip to the mountains. We have carefully budgeted for this and I'm looking forward to just being with Brien. :o) The one sticky point is what to do with the Bit. It's hard to make plans when you don't have childcare all taken care of. I'm thinking we had best be calling some of the lovely adults in our life to see if they are interested in helping out. ;o)
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Today's Sparklies:
1. It didn't rain during recess so we were able to go outside. Hooray!
2. Lil, although not so wonderful for Shari, has been delightful at home this evening.
3. Getting a budget put together. It really is a good thing.
4. Planning a romantical getaway with my honey. :o)
5. Looking forward to some studio time this weekend. It's supposed to rain all weekend so there will be no outside work or hiking done, but I can stamp. ;oP
No milestones.
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The clock says it's 7:24 which means it's time to start hustling the Bit up the stairs to bed. :o)
11 comments:
I am still game for helping with Lil that anniversary weekend!! We can coordinate...let me know. ;)
Way to go on the budget stuff...I spent an hour on mine today to squeeze in the purchase of a plane ticket for Mothers' day weekend at home ;)
You know, we do a budget every 6 months. We re-budget earlier if needed. I'm in Brien's position, Hubs is in yours. As such, we have given Hubs an allowance. I do call him on it if he blows it. I grew up not as financially strapped as you, but then we could have been and I didn't know it completely. Grandpa could squeeze a quarter out of a penny, so he helped out, too. You needn't be so hard on yourself, though. Money was a little more free flowing for all of us. We've all had to tighten a bit more. Last year's 4.00 + a gallon gas made all of our heads spin. Because of that budget, I've still stuck with more conservative travel and whatnot. You've got a plan in place. Don't beat yourself up. You have a solid direction in which to go. Good for you. A good example for everyone!
As far as Lily is concerned, this too will pass. I think that your race track idea is wonderful! Go with it and praise praise praise the good stuff. She'll get out of her behavioral funk sooner than you know it. I know when K- was in her three year old funk, I told people not to be surprised if they came over and found her tied to the No Parking sign on our tree lawn. Oh, those were some tough days.
Stamping cards? Oh, do show us your work! :) Sounds like you need some therapeutic stamping!
I'll take her! (Let's hope I have a house by June)
If you want the name of a lovely little B&B in Charles Town WV, just let me know. :)
Good for you one dealing with the budget. Plans (and lists - many, many lists) are always a wonderful thing. I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up doing our finances and can't seem to get rid of the job. I am such a ditz that I always fret about forgetting to pay a bill.
Sorry Lily has had another rough day. Your "race" plan sounds like an excellent idea and I look forward to seeing how she responds to it.
Yay for you planning a romantic getaway. How very exciting!! Steve and I hoped to do that for our 10th anniversary but I was stuck on bedrest with Anwyn. Maybe next year for our 15th.....
Enjoy your Friday!
Have you thought of trying Quicken to keep track of your finances? Half of the battle in budgeting is knowing where your money is going and, if you keep up with the data entry, Quicken will let you know just that. You can also use it for online bill pay, if your bank is hip, as well as get it to track your investments, 401k, and total net worth.
If you need someone to keep you honest, financially, Quicken will do it. Plus, it's less emotionally draining to get into an argument with Quicken about finances. :-)
Rach dear, you are entitled to the uneasy feelings surrounding budgeting given your early experiences with your dad. It is a juggling act, and not always easy. But, be grateful that you are confronting this now, rather than in your 60's!
I've been like you, not looking at the details since we manage fine without that process. However, it has been fascinating to do some fine-tuning and to really assess choices. We have so much power to affect change and to create the conditions that will improve quality of life for everyone...if we pay attention and make those changes.
After awhile, the changes are comfortable and the process is fun. Now, I understand why the elderly hang on to the frugal measures they learned during the depression (even after things got so much better). They learned good financial management.
Rachel, our associate pastor, who takes on most of the "pre-engagement" counseling at our church (that's right, counsel BEFORE a couple is hooked into a wedding date, etc., and are harder to listen to and for each other ;)
Anyway, a portion of their counsel time is about finances, and how they as a couple will deal with them; coming from a fiscally conservative group, this is a wake-up call for impulsive/compulsive spenders (or ostriches;) Some learning to budget for the first time.
So, all that to say "Bravo, Rachel, for taking on this hard, but very important role -- and Bravo, B, for persevering in doing and training...may you each continue to be blessed by the labor.
Lastly, I've been single for most of my life, and soon after my divorce, my children and I were affected as you were with your dad's physical and financial condition. The lessons are good, but hard...especially when our will is strong...blessings on your weekend,
my kids are all grown up but I still remember age 3 in all of them. I never thought it was the "terrible two's"....they were just lovely at that age. It was the "terrible three's" for my kids. and then things got better...well, at least until they hit the teen years!
I know budgeting is a hard topic! Trying to think of EVERYTHING and put it on paper-think global-what do you pay everyyear-what is the average, put that aside (like termite control, oil changes, etc) I know that queazy feeling all too well! We are going to be suporting two homes and in need of new budgets!!
I know Lil is giving some moments-they will pass with time-just breath and remind of expectations
:) lisa
I wish I'd taken more notice of finances and how to handle things much earlier. I'm in my late fifties, only worked outside the home a little bit, my children are grown and on their own and I'm looking at being out in the world on my own. For you see I've discovered that my husband of over three decades is gay and has been having same-sex affairs for at least 8 years that I can prove.
Talk about having a sick feeling in your tummy... I've had to be tested for STDs and HIV, hire an attorney, visit a counselor to wrap my head around all this without blaming myself and hire an accountant to help me figure out what our assets and liabilities are as well as all personal property, insurance policies, retirement accounts, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, etc. It's overwhelming to say the least.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I have so much proof of his infidelity that any lawyer worth his or her salt will take one look at it and tell him to give me whatever I ask for just to keep it out of the public record.
I'm having to learn budgeting. I've always been thrifty -- much more so than my husband. But he has always paid the bills and handled our yearly taxes. Now it will be up to me and I'm wishing I'd paid more attention through the years.
I can understand where your coming from after your Papa's situation. But please don't let that keep your head in the sand too long. I never thought I'd end up being divorced but you just never can tell sometimes.
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