Things I've accomplished since getting home at 4:00 this afternoon:
gone over Lil's school work with her and practiced tracing W's and X's
filled a watering can for Lil and helped her water the marigolds
checked on the other flower beds and scoped out the phlox to make sure it was okay--doin' the rounds if you will (I learned it from Lissie)
introduced Lil to "magic" peat pots that grow when you add water
planted two varieties of tomatoes, two varieties of basil, cilantro and parsley in those pots and
planted four varieties of sunflowers in those pots
took both mini-greenhouses up to the studio where it is warm warm warm and sunny sunny sunny
mixed dirt and water in a mixing bowl with a spoon with Lil's help and then planted basil, chives and parsley in a cute little galvanized pot
cleaned, swept and mopped the kitchen (white vinegar and water--stinky but effective) while Lil shook the area rugs outside
got Lil going on the playroom while I vacuumed the entire house (including bathrooms and stairs)
supervised playroom cleaning and disciplined a rather recalcitrant child ("Which would you rather do, clean up the cards or put the squishy set away?" "Okay, what would you like to do next?")
made dinner
cleaned the kitchen (again)
gotten Lil ready for bed (is "gotten" not the oddest word?) including jams, teeth and story read
done a load of laundry
I'm BEAT!! The house looks great (okay, the bathrooms need a cleaning and the dusting should be done, but beyond that...) and I'm once again happy to just sit in my living room and relax. :o)
I remember when I was a child, thinking (and even voicing on more than one occasion), "Mom had kids so she could have slave labor!" Ha! Kids make more work and require more time and energy than the slave labor would be worth. Sorry, Mom. I bring this up because I have once more sat down and created a weekly chore chart--something Lissie used to do with Jessie and me. We each had a chore for every week day and were expected to not only do it, but do it correctly. ;o)
We would get off the bus, dash inside and change clothes and then get to work on our chores. When (and only when) they were finished could we dash off to play outside. Homework was done after dinner during study hour. Jeeze Liss was some sort of genius and I didn't realize it until I was an adult (I was too busy being an obnoxious, peevish kid to get it before). ;o)
Anyhow, without further ado, here is my chore list: Monday: cook, clean kitchen (to include sweeping, putting away dishes, etc.), clean bathrooms, straighten my bedroom, help Lil with her room Tuesday: cook, clean kitchen, bedrooms, vacuum, empty recycling and take to curb Wednesday: cook, clean kitchen, bedrooms, laundry Thursday: cook, clean kitchen, bedrooms, dusting, empty waste baskets, take trash out to curb Friday: Dinner with Nana and Pop, menu planning Saturday: laundry, grocery shopping, any necessary yard work Sunday: any necessary yard work
The idea is to do this and stay caught up. I'm also planning on inserting my afternoon flower tending in there as well. I wonder how long I'll keep it up...
For me, the big trick is to not even think of looking at my computer until Lil is in bed. No way, no how. Laptops are such a convenience and are so easy to access I find I can be on it practically any time I like. I wasn't this addicted to my computer when I was using a desktop machine and I'm trying very hard to go back to those days. It's hard, as I've discovered I have a slightly addictive personality (HA! Big fat understatement there) and I feel so disconnected if I'm NOT on the computer. Hm, sign of a problem per chance? I don't want Lil to see me with my nose continually stuck in a machine so I'm going to try try try to not be on when she is up. Try being the operative word here. I'm terrible about doing those things which I know I should be doing so I'm really working on the willpower here.
Ultimately, I'm doing nothing but wasting time when I'm on the computer in the afternoon and evenings. I'm doing NOTHING meaningful and it's a shame. I mean, look at all I accomplished this evening in those four hours. Pretty amazing use of time, no? :o)
1. The plants are looking great and Lil is having so much fun watering them (with supervision only, mind you--no drowning the plants!) and tending them. :o) 2. Spring glorious spring! The sun is so so lovely. I'm truly meant to live in a place with four seasons. You appreciate them more when you don't have them for a while (0kay, I could probably do without the summers here, but then again, they make me appreciate autumn so much more--hm). 3. The kids are really holding up well to the standardized testing grind, bless their hearts. We have three more days of it, poor babies. We go from about 8:30 to almost 11:00 tomorrow. Yikers! 4. Swiss Family Robinson, the Disney version. Oh how I LOVE that movie! We're showing it to the kids as a reward for their efforts during testing and they are all really enjoying it. They don't make movies like that for kids these days. Anyhow, I was ready to move to some remote tropical isle, have someone (Fritz per chance? ;oP) build me a gorgeous tree house and live happily ever after. Ahhhh. ;o) 5. My "Beat Around the Bushel" Beanswax candle from Yankee smells so delicious. Best of all, I got it for 50% off! 6. Good friends. 7. A husband who tolerates me in all my grumpiest, nastiest moods. Thank you, Sweetie. I know I was a pill this evening and you somehow manage to love me anyway. You are amazing. :o)
No Milestones. ********************************************* Well, folks, my yearly evaluation is tomorrow and I'm a sheer and utter wreck. I HATE them, I simply HATE them. I hate the thought that my best just isn't good enough and that I'm letting people down. Why do I always expect the worst? I'm a good teacher, darn it, why am I so worried???
It'll all be over by 12:30 tomorrow. Wish me luck! :o)
I've been dying to get my raised beds going, but haven't been able to find vermiculite--one of Mel's crucial ingredients--and was quite stymied by the entire process. Whilst driving to Norge the other day, we passed the Feed and Seed store and inspiration struck. Of course! B called, they had two bags left, he put them on hold and we went to get them this evening.
Bri also called the mulch people and they'll have our mulch here sometime within the next three weeks. Hooray! But, it is three weeks down the road and we do have a new bed that needs a bit of mulch to hold the landscaping fabric down. Sooooo, we stopped by Lowe's to pick up some peat moss (another crucial ingredient, the third being compost) and a couple of bags of mulch to tide us over until the mulch arrives.
I'm getting SO excited about all our planned changes and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my enthusiasm for our projects doesn't wane as the temperatures and humidity increase. There is nothing worse than temps in the mid 80s at 8 in the morning...UGH! I'm also hoping Lil keeps me coming out to take care of my plants as I should. She is quite avid in this gardening thing and she and I scurried around putting in flowers this evening. We have a six-pack of Dusty Miller and one of "Snack" dragons left to put out front by the mailbox. Everything else went right in.
Amy, that purslane is not a succulent (thank goodness!) but does like for the soil to be a bit more moist than some of the other plants I have in that bed. Oh, well, we'll see what happens...;o)
This evening, I also took Linda's advice and pinched off all my marigold blooms. :sniff sniff: I know they'll come back fuller and more beautiful, but man, that was hard to do. The other problem? Lil watched me do it...Oops! We did have a little chat about how only Mommy should take the blooms off the plants and did the plants look pretty now that they were "nakey". She quickly agreed they were not quite as attractive as they had been and that maybe we should indeed leave the blossoms on the stems. Whew! Now, if I can only keep her from walking in Hannah's garden. :eye roll:
Here are some early signs of new growth. Day lilies.
Another day lily.
Oh, our poplar "shrub". It should be lovely this year as well. :o)
Last night, when I finished my post, I got to work on the kitchen. Nana couldn't use her baker's rack in her new house and offered it to me. I jumped at the offer and spent last night making it comfortable in its new home. :oP Isn't it lovely? :o)
Tonight's agenda is to wash the plastic ware and travel mugs and clean the bathrooms. Lissie and Paul are coming for the weekend and the house could use a bit of a scrub. **************************** Today's Sparklies:
1. As I type this, I'm sitting out on the porch swing, listening to the evening sounds. Ahhhh. (I'm actually getting ready to snuggle with B, hee hee!) 2. We found vermiculite! 3. Waylen has been to the vet and now has allergy meds. (Don't ask.) 4. We had standardized testing today and when we were finished, Lola and I took the kiddos outside to enjoy the morning sun and to run off some steam. It was SO lovely! 5. The gorgeous pink dress Nana and Pop picked up for Lil from Marshall's. It has a matching dress for her baby, Kelly. 6. The smell of the air in spring. It's all earthy and fertile and delicious. :o)
No milestones.
***********************************
Off to snuggle with my boy and then head inside to clean.
******EDITED**************
Mom posted the best fertilizer recipe in the comments and I wanted to be sure to share it with anyone who might be interested. I posted it at Follow Your Bliss for future reference. :o)
They were calling for rain all weekend (it began raining Thursday night and was still doing so much of the time yesterday) so we were all pleasantly surprised when the sun came out and the temps hit 77 degrees. :o)
I confess, spring fever has hit with a vengeance! We went to Lowe's this morning, with a list of items we intended to purchase. Lily just LOVES to garden and can't wait to plant more and more flowers. In this, she differs quite a bit from her big sister. Hannah enjoyed looking at flowers and picking flowers, but she didn't seem to get a thrill from gardening the way Lil does.
We walked all over Lowe's and Lil selected a nice variety of annuals. I however, was on the search for perennials. Here's what we picked up today: Marigolds--I've planted them by the porch swing in the hopes they will help deter the mosquitoes...HA!
Dianthus "Snack dragons" and 'tunies
More 'tunies Dusty Miller
Purslane (I've never grown this before, so we'll see) These were all Lil's selections and she did a nice job choosing plants that will bear up to the full sun in Hannah's garden. We're supplementing the perennials with some colorful annuals until they begin to grow. I've noticed a number of items budding and I can't wait to see what comes up. I LOVE perennials because they come back bigger and better every year. :o)
As such, I decided to put in a new flower bed out back. I always hate mowing the section of house behind the deck because I can never get close enough, I always have to weed eat and dust and grass fly everywhere. Besides, I thought a flower bed would be loverly. :o)
Here's what we've done so far: We put down landscaping fabric and laid out where we will plant the items we purchased. We currently have five azaleas (on sale today!), four hostas, three columbines and two vine vincas. We had originally planned on only doing the small area between the gazebo and the corner between the third and fourth windows. But, after looking at it, we decided we would like to do the entire area. As such, I would like to invest in three more columbines, four more vine vincas and about 6-8 more hostas. I know the hostas will mound and spread like the dickens over the next few years and I look forward to being able to separate them.
We will plant these guys an then mulch around them. I'm hoping it will be a lovely oasis in the backyard. That area receives some nice morning sun and then is shaded for the rest of the day.
Also today, I mowed and weed eated (is that even a word??) the yard (both front and back) and cleaned the deck and patio. See?
We still need to call someone to come and clean out the gutters and scrub the green off the house. And we need to call and have mulch delivered.
I'm planning on putting in a raised 2'x8' herb bed under the windows there where Lil's picnic table is. I would like to plant basil, cilantro and parsley. Lots and lots of basil. ;o) I'm also looking forward to dining outside once again. The weather this week should be PERFECT for it with temps in the mid to upper 60s and sunshine all around. :o)
This heather is the most fragrant thing. I'm still trying to decide where to plant it. It is currently sitting in the bed behind the porch swing. B and I are discussing the possibility of mulching in much of the area behind the swing back to the gate as grass really doesn't grow there anyway. I'm going to move this pretty lady when we are a little more decided.
Finally, Lil and I planted some creeping phlox this evening. I've ALWAYS loved creeping phlox and have been desperately wanting to put some in. There are beds of the stuff all over the Blacksburg/Christiansburg area and they are HUGE. I'm hoping these lovely babies "take" and are more and more beautiful every year.
The forest pansy red bud didn't do much in the way of blooming last year. This year, it's practically covered in buds and I'm eagerly anticipating their glory. :o)
The front of the house. Brien and I are not fans of the shrubbery out front, but have NO idea what they should be replaced with. We aren't looking to do it this year, but are definitely doing so within the next year or so. The smaller of the shrubs are some sort of FAST growing plant and if they aren't pruned back (frequently), they quickly grow out of control. When we moved in the house, they were as tall as the second story windows! The trouble with the front of our house is that it gets full direct afternoon sun and anything out front that can't tolerate that scorches. The front door and door knob get so hot they will actually burn you! YIKES!
Also within the next year or so, we're taking out the gravel paths along the sidewalk here and putting in mulch. The former owners LOVED these rocks and had them around ALL the trees and in EVERY bed. As they are not our style, we've been systematically removing little bits at a time. Those bad boys are HEAVY! So, my plan is to take out the rocks, put in mulch and then put in some sort of perennials filled in with annuals such as impatiens. But, as I said, that's for years to come.
For now, we'll be taking care of this eyesore. The gravel, weeds and green bedding liner are all coming out and mulch and annuals will be going in. I'll also be planting bulbs in the fall so this will be a much prettier sight next year. :o)
At the moment, I'm pooped. My body is aching and I just needed to sit for a moment. I've been going since 8:30 this morning. Whew!
Yesterday was a busy day as well. Lil and I had to run some errands and didn't get home until close to lunch time. B was busy helping Pop empty the storage building. When Lil went down for her nap, I had planned on cleaning the kitchen. I took a pit stop by our bathroom (I purchased new bath mats and towels) to put the new linens out and wound up intensively deep cleaning and de-cluttering. It took me close to three hours to scrub, toss and straighten. Anyone else out there hold on to old make-up and hair care products? Those went right into the trash. I know I'm not going to use them again, so why the heck was I holding on to them?
Here are the end results: Please note, you could find NOTHING you needed in this linen closet before due to it's messy nature. Hooray for neat and orderly. :o)
To that end, I also cleaned and de-cluttered the laundry room/dog room, cleaning out Lil's art cabinet, reorganizing the cabinets above the washer and dryer and those across from them. I also cleared off all the counters back there. Whew!
Meanwhile, I'm wondering if Lil wasn't such a pill last week because she was getting sick. Yes, folks, she has a low-grade fever, snotty nose, cough and grumpy attitude. :sigh: She's been dosed with Motrin and put to bed where she is currently (fake) screaming her head off. :sigh:
1. The GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS spring weather. Hooray! :o) 2. Planting and getting things done around the yard. 3. The sounds of neighbors out doing yard work. We're all in this together. ;o) 4. The children are all out playing and laughing again. :o) 5. The birds and the wind chimes. 6. That wonderful wonderful sense of accomplishment you get when you look at something and can pronounce it a job well done. 7. Mowing. I don't have any idea why I enjoy it, other than it's just nice to get out in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine (appropriately sun screened and head covered of course!). 8. That delicious tomato, avocado and bacon salad I mentioned last week: 9. My donation pile to the DAV continues to grow and grow the more I spring clean and de-clutter. 10. Amy, the card arrived. Thank you so much, it really made my day. :o) 11. The peepers sure are talking this evening and there is a lovely breeze wafting in through the open windows. :o)
Milestones: It's finally happened, I'm doing something with Lil that I didn't really do with the Monkey--gardening. Lily simply adores it and can't wait to literally dig in with he spade and rake and help set out the plants and then water them using her watering can. Hannah loved to be outside, but she could take the gardening or leave it. Lil? She just eats it up.
********************************* Has anyone else noticed that when they accomplish a lot outside or in rooms other than the kitchen/family areas those are the areas that look hardest hit when you finally pause to inventory your weekend and how you spent your time? Oy are mine a MESS! I had wanted to get some (any!) studio time this weekend but I don't see it happening this evening. Oh well. Off to clean and declutter the kitchen.
I'm 32 years old. It's time for me to begin acting more like an adult, even if it means doing those things which I find tedious and notsomuch fun. You know, things like creating a budget and sticking with it. I hate finances. I hate worrying about money. I hate dealing with it all. I like having money to pay for daycare and food and clothing, but I don't enjoy talking about it and planning and all the other things that are involved in being a responsible adult. Discussing our financial situation always leaves me feeling vaguely nervous with a sick feeling in my tummy.
As Brien and I sit discussing it right now, I'm not feeling as awful as I usually do. I think a HUGE part of my problem is I'm an ostrich. I would rather bury my head in the sand and pretend whatever the problem may be didn't exist. Brien, meanwhile, likes to confront things head on. Using his method this evening, I confess, I'm feeling less wretched and more confident as to how things are looking for us. You would think as much as I like having a plan and routine I would have done this MUCH sooner. I believe having a plan in place now is why I'm feeling pretty good. In fact, as I sit here typing, I'm kicking myself, wondering why I didn't just sit down and do this sooner.
I think this loathing I have for dealing with money stems from my childhood. Papa was physically disabled and received a small disability check every month. This check had to somehow cover the costs of his medicines (almost $600/month back in the early-mid '90s), his car payment, living expenses, utilities, etc. as well as what seemed to be insurmountable medical expenses from various trips to and stays in the hospital about once every three months. Once he had his first stroke when I was thirteen, he was no longer able to write, so I had to sit and write checks and pay the bills. It was a grueling experience, deciding who would take less than the minimum payment that month, who would need to be paid in full and who could be skipped for a month (or, sometimes two). Goodness, it makes me ill remembering the juggling that had to be done. Needless to say, I learned to balance a checkbook at an early age and learned just how far a dollar would sometimes need to be stretched.
I suppose this experience should have taught me to be more responsible instead of sending me the way of the ostrich. Alas, B has been after me to do this FOREVER and I've only just been willing to suck it up and do it. There is something so comforting in being a child and having everyone else take care of these things for you, things YOU don't have to worry about.
The way we have budgeted things right now has us putting money into savings and 401K/Roth IRAs every month and still allows for paying for everything as it should be. :o) Savings are a very VERY good thing. :o) I want to remember those lessons in frugality from my childhood and apply them to my life now as the economy is looking like it may continue on its downward spiral for a while before it improves again.
For now, my stomach is only a little queasy and we have a plan in place. I always function better when there's a known plan. Here's to a more fiscally responsible me! :o)
******************************* I'm not sure what is going on with Miss Bit. I'm left scratching my head, wondering if maybe it is indeed growing pains causing her problems because I can't figure out what else it could be other than the terrible threes. Today was another not so great listening day at Miss Shari's as Lil wouldn't participate in circle time at all. Why oh why oh why? :sigh:
I've decided we need to have some visual form of positive reinforcement here at home. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I've got a pretty deep bag of tricks. I'm thinking maybe a race track where a little Lil on a stick runs a block every day she gets smilies at Shari's. There may be little treats along the way and some sort of big reward at the end of the path. There will be no moving back a space if there was a bad day, but there will be some sort of consequece. I'll let you know what I come up with.
She is, after all, only just three. She's still learning. She'll get there--soon I hope. ;o)
************************************** Brien and I got married young, at 22 and 23, just after I graduated from college. As such, we had very little money and had no honeymoon. We are approaching our 10 year anniversary and looking at doing something honeymoon-ish then. We're discussing all sorts of possibilities, everything from a stay in Old Town Alexandria, to a trip to the mountains. We have carefully budgeted for this and I'm looking forward to just being with Brien. :o) The one sticky point is what to do with the Bit. It's hard to make plans when you don't have childcare all taken care of. I'm thinking we had best be calling some of the lovely adults in our life to see if they are interested in helping out. ;o)
1. It didn't rain during recess so we were able to go outside. Hooray! 2. Lil, although not so wonderful for Shari, has been delightful at home this evening. 3. Getting a budget put together. It really is a good thing. 4. Planning a romantical getaway with my honey. :o) 5. Looking forward to some studio time this weekend. It's supposed to rain all weekend so there will be no outside work or hiking done, but I can stamp. ;oP
No milestones. **************************************** The clock says it's 7:24 which means it's time to start hustling the Bit up the stairs to bed. :o)
I'm throwing myself a pity party this evening. I'm so disgustingly self-absorbed with my self-pity I make myself ill. I'm not going to go into too many details because they would reveal a level of self-absorption I'm thoroughly embarrassed by. Why is it we don't appreciate our bodies and our youth when we have it???
I'm just going to throw this out there. Why oh why is it so hard for me to do those things I know will help make me happier and my life better? Habits are such hard things to break.
In other news, Lil was MUCH better at Miss Shari's today. She only had one tantrum (still not exactly acceptable, but hey, she's only just turned three) and Shari was quite pleased with the 180 the Bit showed today.
She was also quite the good listener/helper when we came home. She cleaned up her art table and supplies and was just lovely. Then, somehow, things fell apart again. After dinner, the dishwasher needed to be emptied and I asked Lil to please help put the silverware away, as it is her chore. She began flinging it haphazardly into the drawer, I quietly redirected her and she did it again. So, pulling a page from Lissie's book, I went for two choices, bad and worse. Bad--put away the silverware. Worse--stand in the corner until Mommy and Daddy finish cleaning the kitchen. Being the hard headed child who did not fall far from the mommy tree, my sweet angel chose worse. Oy. Vey. It was awful for all of us, but the end result was Lil discovered it wasn't nearly as bad to put away the silverware and help around the kitchen as it was to stand in time-out for 10 minutes.
I'm struggling here, people. There are days I just want to throw in the parenting towel and say, "To hell with it, it's too hard." We had another little talk at bedtime during which we discussed (we did actually converse, it wasn't just me blappity blapping) episodes of good listening and episodes of bad listening and the end results of each and Lil agreed that good listening wrought much happier endings.
Bless her sweet heart, I think she really does want to make better choices but she gets so wrapped up in what she wants at the moment and can't seem to let go. She's rather single-minded. And, she is utterly remorseful when it's all said and done. She looks so contrite and apologizes so sincerely. I know she's learning, but the curve is SO steep at the moment.
1. Lil's better day at Shari's. Whew. 2. The line of daffodils encircling the pond on the way to work. Oh how I adore the sunny faces of daffodils. :o) 3. The flowering trees are just wonderful at the moment. 4. Warm weather is predicted for tomorrow.
No milestones other than I seem to suddenly recall just how trying Hannah could be when she was three and four. Yeesh.
*********************************** Well, I'm off to indulge in my pity party a bit longer...
Some days I think it would be easier to repeatedly beat my head against a brick wall as to try to get Lily to listen to anything. Today has most definitely been a trying day in the "good listener" department. I'm at the point I where I would dearly love to bury my face in a pillow and just scream my lungs out. Some days, yes, some days with three year olds are most definitely more trying than others.
Today began with a bang anyhow, as the moment Lil stepped out of bed this morning she began crying her foot hurt. There, in the sole of her foot, by her smallest toe, was a big, black, "plinter". Oh. My. Goodness. Crap! So much for being on time this morning. Instead, B and I spent close to fifteen minutes torturing our poor baby trying to get the dang thing out. It was SO awful--the tears had my heart breaking. You know you are causing them nothing but pain, all so you can save them pain.
When I arrived at Shari's this afternoon, Shari was quite befuddled. For the second day in a row Lil was out of sorts and a screamy, obnoxious mess. Shari didn't use the word obnoxious, that's the mommy-spin. Lil's behavior over the course of the past few months had improved so much that Shari had stopped using the behavior modification chart. Unfortunately, we're back on the chart again. :sigh:
When we got home, the non-listening continued to the point that I was taking time outs in order to regain my patience. I don't know if it's growing pains, a full moon, spring fever, or just typical toddler behavior. Whatever it is, I hope today was the last we see of it for a while. I had a talk and Lil (hopefully!) had a listen as we talked about consequences for good choices and consequences for bad choices. We're focusing more on the good than the bad. As Anne Shirley is wont to say, "Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it." And so it is.
1. Short curriculum meetings. 2. Excellent burgers and a most divine avocado, tomato and bacon salad for dinner. 3. Lil and her impish apologies, "I'm reawy reawy sorry. I won't do it again. I promise." Of course she's sorry. "I give you a great big kiss, Mommy, and den you be happy?" Or, when asked, "What are you doing Lil" as she danced nakey around her bedroom, "I making you more happy, Mommy." It's very hard not to smile when confronted with an impish grin and nakey dance moves. 4. Stongbow hard cider. 5. I gave a quiz today and graded both classes already! Go me! 6. Mom made it to TN to be with GF. Yay!
No milestones. I just miss her tonight. I suppose trying to discipline Lil brought back bunches of Monkey memories.
Spring. A time of reawakening and renewal. I do so love living in a place that has four distinct seasons. I enjoy most of them (notsomuch summer with its heat and humidity, alas), autumn in particular as you well know. Spring is a close second for me with it's cool-warm temperatures and the beauty of the world awakening from a long slumber. The sounds of children playing and laughing waft in through the open windows, carried on stuffy-house cleansing breezes.
When we arrived home this afternoon, Lil danced around my legs asking if she could go outside to play. Of course she could go out! How could I deny her on such a wonderful afternoon?
I couldn't decide which of these to post as her expression in each is just precious. So, you get ALL of them. Sorry. Can you not see the sheer joy and delight on the child's face? Oh how she lights up my life--even at 3:30 when she cries out, "Mommy, I NEED you" in a plaintive voice. :sigh: What a lovey. :o)
I'm filled with happiness this evening and don't know why. But, then again, why question it? Why not simply enjoy it?
I spoke with GF this evening as I was preparing dinner. I heard true joy in his voice as he talked of his Abby. This in turn had me smiling. He said she follows him everywhere and has even begun sleeping with him. I can tell he just LOVES it. He has so longed for a pet and Abby seems to be the perfect match for him. :o) I'm overjoyed he can find some happiness when times are so sad for him.
Mom will be with him tomorrow for a bit of a visit. That will be good for him as well. :o)
Meanwhile, Brien is feeling much better, hallelujah. I'm so tired of all the ick that has been plaguing us. Whew.
I'll leave you with this self-portrait to show the new hairdo: Definitely look like my Papa...:oP
1. My chat with GF. 2. The gorgeous, sunshiny day! 3. Lil and her prancing and dancing in the sun. I so enjoy it when kids can get out to play. 4. Dinner--chicken tikka masala. We can't seem to get enough of the stuff and Lil just loooooves it, spiciness and all. How can you go wrong with that? 5. My sweet husband. For some reason I'm just overflowing with my love for him today. 6. My BNLPandora station. I feel as if I'm back in college, lol! 7. Check out this extreme shepherding video Paul sent me:
Wow, huh? I guess there's not much in the way of entertainment where they live...;oP
Milestones:
You never know what you are going to find when living with a five year old and three year old. Lil pulled out one of Hannah's coloring books today and I found this: Of course, I had never before seen it and it tugged at my heart. Those unexpected surprises no long cause me to pause and catch my breath, instead, I have an ache, a longing to have her with me again. I'm currently in a period of disbelief, of not truly comprehending that she was here and now she's not. I'm in that state where I have had a lovely dream of a child named Hannah who once lived with me, but she wasn't quite real. Instead she was as ethereal as a fairy, flitting and dancing into my life on angel's wings, leaving behind the knowledge of how to live life to the fullest, but she didn't ever really exist.
I'm sure that makes no sense at all. I'm sure it's a self-preservation thing because, otherwise, how could we stand to go on breathing when that which we loved most in the world is taken from us?
I'll begin my post this evening with silly Holly dog. This is where I found her sleeping the other evening. She loves to feel snuggled in on all sides and apparently, Bitty Baby's (aka Kelly's) crib does the trick. As does laundry baskets full of clean clothing, piles of blankets, and any towels small children may have left haphazardly on the floor. :oP
Another view of the silly pooch. She was quite content and really not at all pleased when I insisted it was time for her to leave her cozy bed for her crate. Oh, well. ;o)
As my title suggests, I'm slowly getting back into the routine of my life. Whew. It's been a crazy three weeks and I'm glad I'm finally getting some semblance of normal back into my life. I didn't get all the things accomplished that I had wanted, but I got quite a bit done.
There are no raised beds as of yet. Yesterday Tech played in round two of the NIT and stunk up the boards. :sigh: The game was on between 11 and 1 so not much was done during that time. Not to mention Brien was just feeling lousy. Lily, though, managed to get in a GOOD nap, power napping for close to four hours. Wow!
Speaking of Lil, she was such a trip yesterday morning. I had awakened about 8:00, pleasantly surprised at the lie-in Lil had allowed. In fact, I didn't hear her at all and decided to just lie in bed and read. Around 8:30 I heard her stir and by 8:35 I heard our door open and SLAM shut (as only a three year old can manage) and then, the "clucking" began. Yes, clucking. Lots of it. Lil had found my birthday card from Terry and decided to awaken us with "bocking" chickens. Hee hee! She was so chuffed with herself as she came traipsing to my side of the bed, card in hand. Her little face was a aglow with mischief. :o)
Anyhow, I really didn't get much in the way of housework done yesterday, although I did finish two--yes TWO!--novels. Woo hoo! I thoroughly enjoyed the latest Elizabeth Hoyt and look forward to the next two in the series. :o)
I did get the menu for the week planned and the groceries purchased yesterday, so we're ready for the coming week. Whew! I always feel so much better knowing what the week ahead holds. I know some don't like planning ahead, fearing they might not want that salmon they had planned for Wednesday night. That doesn't bother me in the least. In fact, I find comfort in knowing what I'll be preparing when I get home and knowing if I'll need a little extra time to cook or if the meal is a quickie.
Meanwhile, today, well, today was my BUSY day. Brien, having felt pretty icky the day before, awakened around 6:00 with an icky tummy and has been lying in bed most of the day. He's been getting school work done, leaving me impressed. When I was lying low with the tummy troubles, the last thing on my mind was anything other than sleeping.
While he worked, Lily and I cleaned the living room and playroom. I caught up on ALL the laundry (holy cow was there laundry to be done after three--yes three--weeks), doing eight loads. I gotta tell ya, I'm pretty pooped by the whole endeavor. The worst part is, there is still a load in the dryer and one in the washer awaiting the dryer. Ugh! But, it's DONE. Hooray!!!
I also reorganized my pantry and baking cabinets today. I became frustrated last night when I asked Brien if we had crushed tomatoes and he couldn't see what we had because everything was SO cluttered. Additionally, the third grade is collecting items for one of the local church affiliated food pantries and knew they could benefit from my cleaning.
I wish I had thought to take a before shot. Oh well. Here's the after: I moved all my baking supplies to the bottom shelf, snacks and vinegars (I only have six or seven different kinds :eye roll:) on the next shelf, the tomato products are the next one up, the canned beans and condiments the next, and my K-cups and pastas on the top shelf. I can quickly and easily see what I have on hand and this will make meal planning so much easier. Nice improvement, huh Lissie and Jessie? :o)
I also redid my baking cabinet. I can also easily see what items I have on hand, as opposed to the crammed and cluttered mess they were before. This job took me nigh on two hours. I have two HUGE bags of goodies to donate to the food pantry and I now only have those items I will actually use on hand. Why do we buy things we'll never use? I swear, it makes no sense...
************************************** Sparklies:
1. Our red plum tree is just gorgeous now: 2. I feel more settled this evening. My weekend was more normal than usual--I do wish we had been able to get out to hike today, but well, poor Brien--and I feel well pleased with myself for all I got done today. :o) 3. I so enjoyed just reading. 4. We read "Hannah's Collections" this evening. I'm thinking somebody was nosing around my house and spying on my child when the book was written. :oP The story was about the Monkey, I swear it was! :o) 5. Tonight's dinner: Greek tomato salad. Mmmmmm. Brien isn't a huge feta or kalamata fan, and since he was sick and wouldn't be eating with us this evening, I took shameless advantage. Recipe, as always found at Follow Your Bliss. 6. Mom is in Blacksburg, heading back to be with GF for a while. Sure, the circumstances leading her there (a busted hot water heater in the attic that managed to flood both her first and second floors...) weren't so wonderful, but I think this is something both she and GF need. :o) 7. Making chocolate cupcakes with the Bit this evening. I wish I had thought to take a picture of her face. ;o)
Milestones: Reading "Hannah's Collections". It's funny the things that will trigger memories. As I was reading, I kept seeing Han's room, with her piles of rocks, her hidden stores of candy, her stickers and Groovies and odds and ends that only a four/five year old could find collectable. I seem to recall Han had received this book from her teacher at the end of Kindergarten, but I don't remember acutally reading it with her. I hate that my memories are growing fuzzy. I HATE it. I remember how panic stricken I was when I first lost her, realizing this would happening and praying it wouldn't. With the fading of the pain comes a fading of the Monkey. Crap.
I know mothers and fathers lose their children every day. I know they ache and hurt. I know they are numb and then suddenly are hit with that blinding flash of "Oh my God, they are really and truly gone". I know. I've been there. The pain is absolutely excruciating and there is nothing anyone can do to make it go away. Wonderful family and friends will do all they can to alleviate the pain for a while, and for a time are successful. However, the pain is always there.
Then, time passes, and gradually, oh so gradually, the pain doesn't feel as sharp, as intense. You are living with a chronic physical pain and you therefore become used to it. Some days the pain is more intense, others less, but it is always there, a constant companion. I'm to the point now when I don't really remember life without this pain.
I bring all this up because I saw the most painful image today. It was a photo on Vanessa Redgrave, taken yesterday evening as she left her daughter Natasha Richardson's apartment. I can so thoroughly identify with the expression on her face--the shock, the grief, the pain. No parent is supposed to outlive their child. Period. My heart is once again aching for a family who lost a daughter, a mother, a wife. Yes, she's famous, and non-celebrities lose their lives, their children, their spouses, their parents daily. Yes, I'm sure there are those out there who are aggravated because they have lost a loved one as well, and the perception of someone else getting so much attention can cause an irrational jealousy--"But I lost someone too! What about me?". But, I can't help but wonder if being a celebrity might not make all this so much harder.
You see, those of us not in the limelight are able to grieve in peace and solitude, without the media intruding on what is, without a doubt, one of the most painful of human experiences. My heart goes out to all who have lost loved ones, but today, my heart grieves for Vanessa Redgrave and her family. Her image will haunt me for days to come.
I can't seem to find my groove this week. Being off routine this weekend, the chaos and upheaval the death of a loved one brings, starting my week in the middle of it, all this has me out of sorts. The rhythm of my life has been disturbed and I can't seem to pick it up.
There was no menu planning Friday night, no grocery shopping Saturday, no meals planned for the week. Yesterday's report cards issue (combined with the need to create four reading tests tonight) combined with the lack of a plan has left me not cooking. I feel bereft somehow. I love to cook and yet, haven't felt the desire to do so this week. I'm giving myself permission to take this week off and get back on the wagon next week. Things should be "normal" (whatever the heck that means any more) this weekend which in turn should lead to a "normal" week next week.
I would like to try and get my raised beds built and put together this weekend. I would like to take a hike with my family. I would like to do my cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping. I want to do all the minutiae of my daily life that ordinarily seems so mundane. And yet, without this "normalness" and focus on the nitty gritty, I'm left struggling to make it through the week as I usually would. It truly is the small moments that coalesce to form the big picture that is my life. Who knew?
With 9+ hours in the car both ways this past week/weekend, I had a lot of time to think. One of my big topics was families and how things seem so different today. When I was a child, I ran the mountains, searching out fossils, conducting experiments with wild onions and the creek, catching crawdads, experiencing nature. It was wonderful! Life was full of imaginative play and I was left to entertain myself. Prior to high school, I had very few extracurricular activities (Brownies when I was in 1-3 grades, gymnastics at the rec center on Saturdays (one session only)) but never felt as if I was missing out on anything. I LOVED to be outside, I LOVED to read, I LOVED to play with Jessie and our friend Pam. We had family dinner every night and rarely, if ever, ate out. There was "study hour" after dinner and then time spent playing with Mom. We would play card games such as spit, rummy, gin or variations on double solitaire. Those times were so precious to me and it never occurred to me to want anything more.
I feel like an old codger waxing rhapsodic about the "good old days", and yet, they truly were good days. Golden, halcyon days. I don't think I could have asked for a better childhood. What child doesn't long for the freedom to explore their environs and create their own utopia out of sight of adults? Ahhhh.
1. It's March Madness, baby! 2. The weather today was SO beautiful--up until dismissal that is. ;o) 3. My friend Julie was the recipient of two wonderfully glorious gifts today and I'm utterly overjoyed for her! :o) 4. My report cards were posted "ready" when I got to work this morning, even though I had until 4 this afternoon to do them. Whew! 5. My mom made it safely back to NC, thank goodness. 6. Laptop computers are such a wonderful thing! 7. Lil and I are going on another "Spring Hunt" this weekend. Wish us luck! :o)
No Milestones.
***************************************** I haven't spoken with GF today, but I'm hoping Tabby Abby has settled in and is becoming just the companion GF needs. Fingers crossed. Also, my friend Rachel's little girl, Lucy, just had some very major surgery. If you could take a moment to send some positive vibes and prayers her way it would be wonderful.
Actually, notsomuch. It's report card time, meaning I need to get final grades together and comments made before tomorrow at 4:00. Ulp.
I'm off to a good start, though. Really! I'm only a bit overwhelmed...:sigh:
So, in order to stave off any more moments of panic, I'm off to do what I'm supposed to be doing, not what I want to be doing. ;o)
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From the mouths of Lils: "A baff? Because I'm filfy?" hee hee :oP
BTW, anyone else out there have a child who continually wants to be some sort of animal? Ex. "I'll be baby Simba and you be mommy Simba." Or, "I'll be baby doggy, you be mommy doggy." Puh-leez tell me we aren't the only ones!
How much do I love this Munchkin? What a trooper she was this past weekend. We were in the car from 8 until 12:30 Thursday evening, again in the car 10:00-2:30 Friday, spent from 3:00-6:30 at a funeral and then fellowship with a bunch of adults Saturday, in the car yet again from 8:00-11:30 Sunday evening and again from 10:30-3:00 yesterday. Whew. And yet, she did very little complaining. She really is one of the best kiddos to travel with. She sits in the back, chatting, watching the world pass by, or napping. She asked to stop only once during each leg (I know, amazing!) and was generally happy, only asking for "music with a song, please" once in a while.
Okay, we also travel with loads and loads of what Ella refers to as "junks", which certainly helps to keep one chipper. We had Reese's eggs, orange creme Cadbury's cream eggs (OMGOMGOMG SOOOOOOO good!), Doritos, cheddar chips, pretzels and mint Oreos. Of course, now, reading the list I just want to gag. Too much of a good thing is simply too much of a good thing. UGH.
Friday I drove straight to Grandfather's to be with him. He seems so lost, so out of sorts. I'm not in any way suggesting my loss is like his, what I am saying is that loss is hard. I well remember those first few days when nothing was as it should be. Normal was no more and it was weird. Those were my Vaseline days, when I slugged through and everything was rather hazy and foggy and nothing made sense and I knew Hannah was gone and yet I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the fact that Hannah. Was. Gone. Those were such awful days, those days of shock and disbelief.
Poor GF. This is the first time he has been alone--ever. He has been looking at getting a cat (Grammy didn't want any pets in the house) and I have a sneaking suspicion he may be the proud owner of a gray tabby (don't you just love Facebook? :oP). I hope hope hope this kitty keeps him good company. I'm worried sick about GF as he no longer has Grammy to care for and he's such an extrovert and what's going to happen to him and and and...
The funeral was lovely. Many of Grammy's co-volunteers were there as were friends and family. All three daughters, five granddaughters and 10 great-grandchildren were there. The minister invited us to share our thoughts and I read my blog post from last Wednesday. My mom shared memories of Grammy with a measuring tape around her neck and all the items she had made through the years. Woli and Erin both shared their memories (many were in the same vein as mine) and the Aunt Robbie spoke about our "Marge the Sarge" and her memories of growing up the third (and later arrived) daughter. They were all such beautiful tributes to a one-of-a-king lady. :o)
GF's church provided food and refreshments for the family (so very very kind and generous of them--nothing is better than southern comfort food!) and we gathered for fellowship. Through it all, the kiddos were real troopers. They were all off routine, out of sorts and feeding off the adults' emotions and yet, they were wonderful, all 10 of 'em. :o) Lily and Ella were SO overjoyed to see each other again it was delightful to witness the reunion. The squealing and excitement were hysterical and they played together quite beautifully.
The wonderful thing about funerals is the way families come together. Lil had an opportunity to play with Erin's children and as always, it was delightful to see Woli's darlings. The Rob is a cracker jack, reminding me so much of Han with his inquisitiveness and smarts. Emma, too, is quite bright and a real peacemaker. She could calm anyone, I think and Lil had a very hard time separating from her. Jack and Lil are both peanuts and had fun playing puzzles together. Unfortunately, I didn't see as much of Jack as I did his siblings since I spent much of my time traveling and visiting with GF.
Sunday, Jessie decided she had had enough of my hair and whacked it off. It looks WONDERFUL, thanks, Jess! She also did Lil's hair and it looks so sweet. It is a bit unsettling to see her from behind as her cowlick and hair look much like her sister's and I am a bit taken off-guard whenever I happen to catch a quick glimpse of her. In spite of that, though, I LOVE it. :o)
1. The kids were all happy to see me and I them. :o) 2. This beautiful gift was awaiting me from Michelle: Could anything be more wonderful? The monkey jumps as you write, LOL! 3. My new short "hairs cut". I so love it! 4. GF's new cat. Hooray for companionship! :o) 5. The red plum tree out front is almost in full bloom. I hope tomorrow is a nice day so I can snap a quick photo.
Milestone:
I hadn't really had a Hannah dream, other than a brief, ethereal one a few months ago, and I had a wonderful one Friday night. In the dream, Brien and I drove somewhere to pick Hannah up from the people who had been keeping her for us. We arrived, she ran right to me and threw herself around me in a HUGE Monkey hug. I stroked her hair, smelled her, looked at her feet to see how she had grown. She laughed with delight to see us and I awoke, struggling to remember EVERY TINY DETAIL. She was there, oh, she was there and it was wonderful. :o)
I'm utterly exhausted. I'm sitting in my own house after a whirlwind trip to Knoxville. We overnighted in Blacksburg, hit Knoxville Friday afternoon and visited with Grandfather. Saturday was the service, yesterday Brien and I spent time with Grandfather and then left last night for Blacksburg. This morning, we hit the road, and only just got in.
I wanted to take a moment and let everyone know we are alive and as well as can be expected. I'm so grateful Grammy is no longer suffering, I just wish there were some way to ease Grandfather's pain. It occured to B and me that GF has never EVER lived alone. EVER. Wow. This is going to be one difficult adjustment for him.
I will update tomorrow about the service, the family, and the wonderful Hannah dream I had Friday evening. :o) Now, however, a house that looks as if a family left in haste and has just returned is calling and there is much to do.
Thank you all, every one of you for your very kind thoughts and prayers. We are truly blessed.
I'm certainly travel weary, but glad to be here with family. My grandfather is so distraught and overwhelmed. Please say an extra prayer for him if you could.
Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. I'm off to dinner at Auntie Susan's.
In June of 2006, Mom, Jessie, Ella, Lily, Hannah and I loaded up my van and made our way to Tennessee to visit with Grammy and Grandfather. Grammy was not the bright, spry woman she had been not seven months earlier, but she was still happy to see the babies and Han. :o)
We had such a lovely visit and I posted about here on the blog. If you are at all interested, if you were to search my archives of June 2006 I'm sure you could find the posts there. Anyhow, I knew I wanted to post pictures as a tribute to Grammy and these were the ones I knew I could lay hands on. :o)
As I was digging through the photos, I found these from that trip and so began a trip down memory lane. Lily had only just turned six months old, Ella would be a year in less than a month, and the Monkey was almost five. What a trip, what a trip. :o)
What a sweet picture of the Monk. It was SOOOO hot that day.
Seeing photos makes me miss her all the more. It's just so hard, you know? I don't have the words to be eloquent about it today. It's just hard.
Anyhow, as the plans stand right now, we'll be leaving here by 8:00 tonight and laying over in Blacksburg and then hitting the road again tomorrow. The service will be Saturday. The family will hold a visitation from 1:00-3:00 and at 3:00, Grammy's celebration of life will begin. I'm taking a break from the panicky running-around-like-a-chicken-with-its-head-cut-off mode to just chill. Whew. I'm hoping to be out of here by 8:00 or so tonight. Keep your fingers crossed. And, I need to get back into chicken mode since there is a LOT to do before we get going.
For now, I'll leave you with this delightful photo of Brien taken Christmas 1999. Hee hee! :oP
