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| Lil came out of the bathroom with hair doodles for herself and for Ellie the other day. She was quite proud of herself as she put the bow in the Bean's hair and made it stand up. ;o) |
That said, she seems to be far perkier and more chipper today. I'm blaming the tooth. The fever is MUCH lower and she is continuing to leak like a sieve on the drool front. It's gotta be a tooth, right? RIGHT?!?
There really wasn't much going on today, otherwise. Tomorrow's the biggie since both girls will have well baby/child visits tomorrow--that fever had better be gone!--first thing in the morning. Oh joy. Is there anything more delightful than sitting and waiting around a ped's office with two squirrely children? How in the WORLD am I going to keep Miss Busy contained? Oh dear lord...I'm NOT looking forward to that. I envision much screeching as I try to keep her OFF the floor. HELP!
Lil should be no problem at this point. She used to scream every time she saw the nurses (from the time she was four months on--seriously--until last year) and I know she's apprehensive about going. I'm not sure, but I'm fairly certain she won't have to get any shots tomorrow. I'm not so certain about the finger prick, though. I haven't mentioned it, on the off-chance she won't have to have it. Keep your fingers crossed.
Ellie should have no shots tomorrow, thank goodness. I'm predicting she's not much bigger than 16 pounds. Lil was around there at 9 months, and since Ellie's a peanut like her big sister, I think it's a fairly safe guess.
Lil is around 33 pounds and 40" tall. I'm not sure where that falls on the growth charts, but I'm willing to guess peanut-y. ;o) Once again I'll say it. I have NO idea how Brien and I spawned such dinky kiddos since neither of us are in the least bit dinky. We have petite family members (GG, Jen, Lissie, Jessie), but we aren't by any stretch of the imagination. I suppose they could surprise us and have MAJOR growth spurts, but I really don't see that happening.
I don't worry because I know they both eat very well, they get plenty of rest, and except for the fevers the Bean has had recently, are both quite disgustingly healthy. (An aside, it's amazing just how healthy we all are now that no one is going to a school environment every day. I'm typically sick with some sort of upper respiratory thing from October through March. I've had one cold this year, and it wasn't nasty like the ones I usually get. Who knew there were even more bennies to this SAHM gig?) They're just small--and there's not a thing in the world wrong with that. :oP
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Today's Sparklies:
1. My bathrooms are sparkly and smell good too. I just LOVE the aroma of pink grapefruit and it makes a lovely bathroom cleaning agent. :o)
2. Did I mention the pink grapefruit? Yeah, I also put a bit of the essential oil on a tissue I then sucked up in the vacuum. The air was fresh and crisp as I went about the vacuuming today.
3. A Beanie that's feeling better.
4. Chatting with Robin. I don't know what I'm going to do in the afternoons when she starts back to work...Eek!
5. Another card made. Woo hoo!
6. There were some snow flurries during lunch today. :o)
7. Being home and not having to worry about teaching on a day when I'm so sleep deprived I can barely function. Again, another benefit I hadn't considered...
No milestones.
Sometimes I wonder if I only dreamt my time with Hannah--it's seems so far away and illusion-y. I've lost the frustrations and strains of daily life, the beauty and love and daily observances of the extraordinary and am left with soft, subtle memories. I KNOW she drove me batty with her theatrics and drama, I KNOW she loved to be cuddled and snuggled and adored, but I can't REMEMBER. I mean, I remember, I know it happened, but I can't remember the feel, the frustration, the love, the EMOTION. Does that make sense?
I can't remember the feelings of being with her, the intensity, the love, the way she felt in my arms, the way she smelled. I'll have glimpses of the feeling of holding her when Lil throws herself on me and wraps her arms around me and squeezes so tightly, but it's not the same. It's like a mirage in the desert--it's there, in the distance, and when I try to reach for it, it's gone.
9 comments:
I'm glad that Ellie seems to be on the mend. Fingers crossed that it really is just a tooth! I totally know what you mean about Lil's apprehension to finger pricks, shots, etc. My niece (the one with the heart and kidney transplants) has umpteen doctors appointments on a monthly basis. Most consist of blood work of some sort, so she is unfortunately to the point where she even freaks out when she sees the photo lab technicians in CVS. White coat syndrome? Yeah, she has it BIG time. I hope that tomorrow is smooth sailing for both of your girls and that it is a short wait in the reception area. The waits usually are the worst part of the whole fiasco, regardless of how big the bag of tricks is!
Your mirage about Hannah DOES make sense. Thank goodness for that quilt you have made from some her clothes. Maybe a good snuggle with that when you're ready will help trigger some more concrete memories.
Hugs galore.
Just want to give you a big snuggle.
Jane
xoxo
Growing kids is a great thing! Yes, as peanutty as they can be, they are growing, healthy and happy. All is well.
As far as Hannah and the memories and the feelings-- I just don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I know that occasionally there is something that will flip me overboard and know how that can feel. Thankful that you had great time with her. Just wish it didn't have to be so short. :(
There is so much illness going around that I would put Ellie in an umbrella stroller and make Lil sit in your lap. My kids used to go to the doctor with one illness and come home with another!!!
I understand what you are saying about Hannah. Maybe because you are so busy with your little ones that it makes remembering hard. Memories are strange. I feel like I can still feel my Grandma's hug but the little yorkie that I loved so much - I can hardly remember her. Even when I look at pictures. I had her for 12 years and it really bugs me.
I hope the well visits went well (ha, ha) and that the Bean's fever is gone. My kids are not fans of the doctor either and I'm going to have to take Caleb soon. Ooh, nothing like a clean bathroom...grapefruit, yum :) How is Robin? I wish I knew a way for you to FEEL Hannah again, to clearly remember the emotion. I'm praying that she remains close to you, enough for you to feel her presence. HUGS!
Your writing is so beautiful, Rach. I am sorry that there are bumps in the road with the emotional roller coaster that is in loss. Hannah is captured so well in this blog - but I know it is hard when it seems like a mirage. Thanks for sharing about it!
I hope you get some good rest and that Ellie's tooth comes through soon so you both can sleep!
Your last 2 paragraphs about Hannah is going to have a lasting effect on me. The remembering will stick with me for a while. Something to think on, next time I think the kids are driving me nuts.
You have such a beautiful little family, I enjoy reading about them. I think our minds and hearts protect us, if you remembered with the same intensity that you once did, you wouldn't be able to function I imagine.
I agree with what Kristy wrote~~I visited your blog last night, and those two paragraphs made me think all night. I am so sorry! I don't know what to say. You write so beautifully and I think all who have read here have gotten to know Hannah and you and the rest of your lovely family. I know you don't know me, but you are in my prayers(((Hugs)))
Julieann
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