It is absolutely amazing that in the space of one year he has gone from this:
To this:
Robin is also doing well. She has recovered her ability to read--still working on speed and fluency, but it'll get there--which is also a miracle. Her peripheral vision is still wonky and it seems as if it always will be, which sucks, but is manageable.
Josh goes for a follow-up at UMBC in a week, and will hopefully be released from their NICU babies program (I know there is a formal name for it, Rob, but drat if I can recall it right now). He is perfect and wonderful and a miracle, a true reason for celebration! :o)
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I cannot for the life of me remember whom among you left the comment about An Inch of Gray, and for that I'm sorry, but thank you.
I've been to her blog. I've read her posts. I've been there. Oh dear Lord, I've been there. I've experienced all those things. Reading today's post, I realized, that, except for some minor difference, for the most part, it could have been written by me. Today's post was a meltdown at the Wal. For me, it was Ukrop's. Everything, every teeny tiny little thing reminded me of Hannah. I got that post. I understood where she was coming from. I've walked in those shoes.
Reading her blog is very difficult for me since it shunts me back to those first awful Vaseline-filled days, weeks and months. And yet, it also helps me to realize how much I've healed, how far I've come. When I was in those early moments, I never would have believed I could be here. Heck, I couldn't see past the next minute, let alone years (how is that even possible??) down the road.
My heart hurts for Anna and her family. My prayers for them as they are now on this journey with so many of us.
I was talking with Robin today about the loss of a child. I have some thoughts that are still percolating. If I remember, I'll try to post them. It has to do with how the internet community has made the loss of a child less taboo somehow... Like I said, I'm still mulling it all over, though.
For now, my thoughts and prayers for Anna and her sweet family.
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Today's Sparklies:
1. Ellie is using more and more words. Hooray! She's still screaming and screeching to indicate her wants, needs and frustrations, BUUUUUT, she's moving forward.
2. Random and not really a sparklie, but hey, here it is, why in the world does it only rain in the morning and afternoon right at bus stop time, and no other time during the day?
3. Ellie singing. She sings her ABC's and sings along with Violet in her crib at rest time.
4. Making the most of leftovers from last night for lunch today.
5. INCREDIBLE meat sauce with our spaghetti for dinner. Mm.
No milestones.
10 comments:
thank you for your kind, sweet words and prayers!
Rach - It's ironic, Anna goes to my church (VPC) and is very close friends with many of my friends, although I've never met her.
When her tragedy first happened, I really thought, "I wonder if I should put her in touch with Rach..." through some of our mutual friends. But I remembered how as you say, "vaseline filled" your first days were when you lost Hannah, and honestly, I wasn't sure whether I should put you (or her) through it. But really, I take comfort in the fact that you and Anna have made contact, even if it's only in a small way. The internet is an amazing place.
Anna's blog shot me back to the first days after you lost Hannah, especially her absolute anguish, so reminiscent of yours.. I'm so glad you're aware of her story. Maybe your story will help her take even the tiniest bit of comfort that while the pain never, ever goes away, the loss of a beloved child is survivable.
Love you tons and tons!
Wow! What a blessing to see Josh growing so big! I remember praying for him and his momma, can it be a year ago? God is faithful!
What a sweet boy! I am so happy Josh and Robin are doing so well. :)
I just visited An Inch of Gray. I am a mess of tears. I will pray for them.
I found your blog from an Inch of Gray. I read the post you made and my heart broke for you. Your girls are just gorgeous! Those eyes are killers. My nephew was a preemie and is as normal as any other. I definitely will be back to visit your lovely blog!
Hey rachel. It was me Annie who made the suggestion about Anna. I had hoped as I said it wasn't out of line. I don't know either of you and certainly didn't want to add any pain to your life. But you and she have so much in common. And I don't mean in terms of the tragedies you experienced so much in how you both seemed to have a strength that allows your fundamental positive nature to preserver through it all. I admire you both for that so much.
Josh is great, but having been a bit through the trenches that Robin had been, I was wondering how she was doing. So glad that she is much better and he seems not worn by the experience whatsoever.
I do need to pop in on that blog. I haven't had the time to give it truly what it needs and I expect that I should have Kleenex nearby.
Loss isn't the taboo that it was once even when we were kids. People are more able to talk about it, which is beyond therapeutic. With us, our loss turned us towards advocacy and informing the family of potential issues with health that they might find. The internet, while it can be a bugger sometimes, can be a very valuable tool, especially in creating a support system and with research in such matters.
Now if you'll excuse me, the bus stop rain occurs here and that is also running at the time that my car is being washed and waxed by the dealership up the road for FREE! Hubs says I can pick the days. I don't care. It's getting done before winter and I don't have to do it or pay for it. No worries, I plan on leaving a very nice tip.
Rach, I cannot believe it's been a year since you first spoke about Josh and Robin. I remember reading their story and what a wonderful ending it now is! A true miracle. It brings a smile to my face.
I cried reading Anna's post and seeing that handsome sweet face on the top of her blog. My heart ached when I read his story and again when I read about her melt-down.
As I said the other day... no mother should ever have to go through this pain.
You are right... it is so much easier to talk about loss these days. My mother never could talk about it and it tore away at her for her whole life. But then you couldn't talk about pregnancy or depression either. I remember having to describe someone as "being in the family way!" I am so pleased we have progressed and that loss can be shared and a support system found. Thank you for being such a positive part of that
Hugs
Jaydee
I am so glad that you got in contact with Anna - I've read her blog for a year or so, and really don't ever comment, but when that post went up I went to it and left a comment that she should contact you. I am so grateful that you can be a support for her!
I can NOT believe that he's one!!!!??? That is so crazy and I am SO excited to hear that he's doing well and that Robin is doing well...and hopefully on the road to a full recovery. Thanks for sharing that...it's truly a highlight.
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