Folks, she's a biter! Help! How do I get this one to stop biting her sister????? The other two never bit. They just didn't do it. I immediately remove her from the situation, but often, I'm not quick enough to get there before she has thoroughly bitten Lil. No skin has been broken, but there are bruises sometimes. ACK! I know part of it is because she craves her sister's attention and her sister ignores her. I get that. But, biting is never never never never ever appropriate. Bean? She thinks it's funny and laughs her head off. Even when she's being reprimanded.
So, I'm begging you who have dealt with this, HELP ME!! What did you find worked best to get your biter to stop?
17 comments:
I know this probably isnt appropriate, but my Mom did it to me and it worked. I never bit again. She bit ME! I think its because biting feels good to toddlers, but they sure dont realize that it doesnt feel so good to be the recipient.
Remember when Hal bit Kate SUPER hard a few months ago? Ryan paddled her rump and put her to bed. That is the only time Ryan has spanked her. She hasnt bitten since. I am the disciplinarian around here so I think getting in trouble from Ryan had a lasting impression. It shocked the crap out of her. I would try something she isn't used to.
When my 19-year-old twins were babies, I had a biter, too. The only thing we found that worked was getting the biter to bite a lime immediately after biting his brother. After a few times of "biting the lime" - he quit forever. Although it could have the opposite effect and your Beanie could end up loving limes! Good luck!!
My son only ever bit once and I grabbed his little arm and bit him back! Not too hard but hard enough with all of my teeth. He looked at me and I told him that biting was very mean and to never do it again. He cried and cried and I hugged him and told him I loved him but explained how biting hurts. He never bit again. And I sound like a terrible mommy! :p
My son was the biter in daycare when he was the same age as Ellie is. After he became the bitee, he stopped. Although it sounds cruel, perhaps if Lily bites her back (not enough to really hurt, but enough that she's uncomfortable) and she realizes it's really not pleasant, she'll stop. Honestly, it's a phase that a LOT of kids go through, but it is maddening until it's over.
Give her something she CAN bite, a cold washcloth, some kind of hard toy, something and redirect her. Let her know that biting hurts and then give her something appropriate that she can bite. As you said biting is never ever never ever appropriate so I dont understand the mindset of biting a toddler to get them to stop biting.
We are friends with a family whose little girl (age 1 1/2 - 2 when it happened) was a serious biter...so much so, she was at risk of being expelled from the childcare rooms at our church. Anyway, after trying many things, what worked for them was a very mild solution of water and vinegar that they dropped on her tongue after she bit someone. It worked. Just to clarify, her parents tried it themselves before doing it to her, and they said it was mildly gross, but nothing that would traumatize her or make her sick. Good luck!
Since she is doing it to get the attention of her sister, remove her from her sister when she uses this tactic. I think she'll get it that biting Lily is one sure way to NOT get to play with/be around that whom she adores most!
My daughter has always been fiesty and she still thinks she should be able to do the same things her older brother can. When she started biting my son for his attention, we taught him to put his hand on her forehead. He couldn't use pressure to hurt her or push her over, but he created a safe zone around himself that she couldn't get in. If she started to lean in with her mouth open to bite, we told him to yell, "Stop" pretty loudly. It usually startled her and she forgot to bite. It drove her nuts that she was kept an arms length away, and she eventually gave up trying to bite. She's a bit stubborn, so it took a while.
-Meg
In regards to a comment, when my daughter was little I was told to make a mild solution of vinegar/water and when my daughter was mouthy I would just spray a little in her mouth.
Seems like there must be a book/"bock" on this subject!Or perhaps her very creative sister could create a story? I don't believe she would continue to do it if she really knew how much she was hurting her sis.
Hi Rachel.
My middle son used to bite sometimes. Children bite for many reasons. Working with preschoolers, I see this often. They bite from frustration. They can not communicate what they want. They bite because it feels good to release energy that way. They get over excited.
We think of biting as some anti social behavior, but, most of the time, that just isn't it. Biting is a way of communicating for children her age, which I know seems strange.
Don't overreact. If she does it, remove her from the situation and give all your attention to your older daughter. Have Beanie help you take care of her sister, clean up her arm or leg. Keep reminding her that you know she is frustrated but we don't bite. Give her something else to do instead. I had my son go punch a pillow. He had energy to release and no where to release it.
Keep your calm and patience. Your daughter is going through a normal developmental phase, for her, and with your guidance and support, she will stop. Be firm and help her find another way to deal with her feelings. Keep a close eye on her during this time and don't give her too many alone times where she can bite her sister. If it gets out of hand, consult your doctor.
One word of warning, if she breaks the skin, call the doctor. Human bits are the worst kind and can get badly infected.
And, she is awful cute. This too shall pass. My middle son is the happiest, most social kid in the world. And the biting did not last long.
Margaret
K- bit briefly. Do you know why it was so brief? I bit her. I didn't break skin. I didn't even leave a mark, but I bit hard enough on the floof of her forearm to know that it hurt. "But MOM! You BIT ME!" "Yes, and it didn't feel good, right?" :insert whimper while sitting in time out: "No." "Then don't do it again."
Problem solved.
You'll have to tell us what you decide to do.
I was a biter and my mom bit me. It didn't solve the problem. In fact, I remember biting my older brother a few times.
My younger son was a biter (to my older son) and we tried the sort of restraining/space technique that Meg discussed. It did pass, but it took a few months.
D in Spfld
My Ellie was a biter too. I was also always grateful that we were home and it was her twin she was biting, and not some random kid at daycare!
I noticed that it seemed to mostly happen when she was teething...she had horrible pain when teething and I think it was the combination of that PLUS whatever Catelyn did to make her mad at that moment that just put her over the edge. I don't know if your Ellie is getting any molars or anything, but just thought I'd mention that.
I also read that preschools sometimes clip a teething toy onto a biter and have them bite it every so often (like every 5 minutes or whatever) and that can help them to not bite other people instead. Not sure if it would really work though...
Greyson bit at around that age at daycare. We would get at least one incident report a week, if not more. With him we figured out the cause was because he was slow to walk and speak, so many of the other kids were faster and took things from him and he also was slow to communicate his wants. We worked with him on saying please and asking for things but we were also very firm and consistent with him about the biting (he used to laugh too, Keira does that too now). It took time but he did stop. Really I think that is the key, figuring out what is causing her to bite so you can work towards helping her communicate in a more appropriate way. It takes time and it is difficult and beyond frustrating at times. I remember being panicked, but one of the directors at his daycare put me at ease when she said that at this age it isn't malicious, it is more about communication. I know Ellie is much more advanced than Greyson was at this age, but I think there could still be something there. Just my thoughts, however late they may be.
Hi! I don't know if you're still checking comments on this post,but I'd like to chime in as well . . .
My daughter was the biter in her daycare, for almost 2 years. She met all her developmental milestones early, and was a PHENOMONAL talker - easily able to verbally express her wants, needs, and ideas by 18 months when it all really started.
and i'm not just bragging - i'm a pediatric speech and language pathologist working in early intervetion. yeah, the same lady people bring their kids too when they bite! irony at it's best. :)
i spoke with developmantal specialists i know, her pediatrician whom i also know professionally, i even moved her to a new daycare because they would not work with me on the issue. we tracked her biting in the same manner you would have maybe tracked behaviors of kids in school when you taught - situation, cause, reaction, etc. we found nothing consistent. and i mean nothing! it was so very frustrating for me.
she did stop. and i can't attribute it to anything anyone did. i wish i could give you the magical answer. but here are some thoughts . . .
DO NOT do anything to punish her (bite her back, give her something nasty to bite, etc) - negative attention is still attention right?
i notice in pictures the she still has her pacifier, and you have commented in the past what a good eater she has been, wanting table foods early and handling them well. this, to me, speaks volumes. she is seeking sensory input through her mouth. compare it to the people you know that can't sit still, take test, wait in a dr. office unless they have a piece of gum or a lollipop. she needs that extra input through her mouth to help her system organize, focus and cope. this need needs to be met before any words you use, any behavior management strategies you use will make sense to her. it's as though she not really biting to punish her sister for not giving her attention, she biting to fulfill a need her sensory system is screaming for to then allow her to cope. the same way our bodies scream for a beer or chocolate after a long, stressful day :)
it's very normal, and every single person has sensory needs. everyone can name a texture they can't eat or touch, a sound that give them the willies, or knows someone that always had to swing higher, yell louder and jump harder than anyone else on the playground.
i developed a simple sensory diet with my daughter. i allowed her to chew gum with supervision, lots of crunchy or chewy snacks that really gave those muscles a work out. she had fruit snacks every morning in the car on the way to preschool to help start her day off better. i used a vibrating toothbrush with her, and she had one to play with. i gave her back her binky (the same one you use by the way) because it was a safe way she could independently get the input.
i provided her school with board books about not biting, and when she did bite after the teacher would make a big deal of comforting the bitee, she read the book with marley. and then they moved on.
Chewy Tubes (you can google them) are an oral motor tool we use for therapy that provide great sensory input though the mouth. marley's were always close by, and if they anticipated a situation she would be given one to chew on. and they look less babyish than a binky, which was more important to me than to my kid LOL.
hope these ideas help!! good luck :)
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