Surprise--and Not in a Good Way

The photos have nothing to do with anything other than she's a cutie patootie.

It snuck up on me.  I didn't see it for what it was and it has blindsided me.  This down yo.  For that's what it is.  I figured it out this morning.

When Christy and I met up, I looked at her and said, "I'm in the middle of this big fat funk and I don't feel right."

It's different this time.  Yes, I'm missing my girl and longing for her, but it's not accompanied by the gut-wrenching, soul-sucking sadness that has always been with it before.  Instead, it's just a funk, a down-ness, a lack of motivation or desire to do anything with an underlying sadness. 

Christy and I started talking and I told her about the down yo's and their triggers and that's when it smacked me over the head:
1. Stress--just a bit with losing Aunt Susan and worrying about my family *insert sarcastic tone here*
2. Exhaustion--ya think?

These are two of the biggest culprits of a down yo and if you combine them with my grief over losing Aunt Susan, well, it all becomes clear.  Of course it's a down yo, you ninny.  Doh.

There are other things going on as well--Beanie turning two, how much she looks and sounds like Hannah sometimes, Lily being so very six as Hannah never was, just to name a few.

I have no way out of this other than to just let it run its course and pass.  It always does.  It's been so long since I've had a down yo, and even longer since one has lasted this long that it took me by surprise.  

For now I'll continue to fake it til I make it--that's my way. I'll continue to force myself to do all those things which I have no desire to do and know that within a few more days the yo-yo will come up once more.

Thank goodness for this new movement regime of mine.  It's been good to get out and move and talk with Christy.  I told her all about Hannah's accident today.  Yes, she knew about Han, but not the whole story and not from my point of view.  It was rather cathartic for me.  I don't want to relive and retell it again any time soon, though. ;o)

With Ellie's birthday quickly approaching (again, HOW is that possible?!?), I have plans to make, cakes to bake and gifts to wrap (B and I got her a Princess Ariana Groovy Girl and these fairy wings and skirt--she's really into the "pincesses" right now and mind you, any fashion doll is a "pincess", not just those Disney gals) and a house to ready for company.  These are all wonderful things to look forward to. :o)


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Sparklies:

1.  This photo:

I can't begin to tell you just how much this Bean looks like Miss Han in this photo.  Most of the time she's her own little Beanie, but every now and then it smacks me over the head.
2.  Friends who are sympathetic and good listeners and excellent huggers.
3.  It's over 90 outside (82 in the house currently) and I still haven't turned on the a/c.  This must be some kind of record for me. ;o)  The ceiling fans, however, are going full speed.  :oP
4.  Pablo had to go see Doc B today--he has torticollis--and she pronounced him healthy except for that nasty brain parasite.  Dandy.  :oS But, he's being treated and his prognosis is good.  Yay!
5.  Seeing Bonnie and Crystal at the vet's as well.  We'll take Ron in for a well-bunny check on Friday afternoon and Lil can visit then. :o)
6.  The brown barrenness of winter is long gone and I'm listening to the sounds of the wind chimes and the leaves blowing and rustling in the breeze.  You don't realize leaves make sounds until they are no longer there.

Milestone:
My first down yo in a very very long time.  Gotta roll with it for there's nothing else to be done for it.  What goes down must come up and this yo-yo doesn't stay down forever--thank goodness.