Last night, Bitsy and I were discussing her swimming lessons and how they're going. I've not been to one because Bev has been doing the driving so I can stay home with Ellie (which is quite kind of her--I'll be driving tomorrow). Bev told me Lil is doing very very well and is quite excited by her lessons, the same thing Bitty told me. She also said Lil isn't jumping off the side of the pool into the water yet, and Lil told me she's afraid to go in water over her head (which Bev confirmed).
So, at bedtime last night, Lily and I were talking about swimming lessons and things she needs to work on. Not going in water over her head is really holding her back (and the coaches, bless them, don't push too hard, just wait for her to be ready), and I asked her why she was afraid to get in the deeper water.
"Because I don't want to be like Hannah."
Ah.
Lil has always been aware of the fact Hannah died and went to heaven. We've always given her just the amount of information she needs based on her age. So, when she was two and three, we told her Hannah had died. At four and five we talked about Hannah drowning and what drowning means, but we didn't give much more info than that. The time wasn't right.
Last night, it was time.
Lily was ready to hear more details. I told her Hannah wasn't actually in water over her head. I told her how Hannah had been playing a game with another little girl, how they were going under and popping back up--as kids will do. Then, I told her about the rip current. We talked about how Hannah didn't know how to swim, and the differences between a pool and moving bodies of water. I didn't go any deeper than that--that's a conversation for another day. I'll know when the time is right, just as I have every other time.
It would seem our talk had an impact because Miss Bit reports she was in the deeper water this evening and wasn't scared. She said she is swimming under water and pushing off the wall both on her tummy and her back (you should see her toes). I can't wait to see her go tomorrow! :o)
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Today's Sparklies:
1. Why hello to all of you I "met" today! It was lovely getting to know you! :o) Thanks for saying hi!
2. The windows have been thrown open and the fresh air is flowing. I can hear the sounds of outside once more. Oh the weather has been wonderful!
3. Bitty's swimming lessons going so well.
4. Lil's kindergarten program was today. It was so fun to see her and her friends sing and dance and have a thoroughly enjoyable time singing about "Oceans of Fun". :o)
5. Being able to help Jana out of a tight spot with Sally.
6. I finally have a face to go with Tami's voice--I "met" her today at the program. Yay!
7. No more blue on the Bean. Woo hoo! I would have sworn that would be on there FOREVER. Thanks to all who shared similar horror stories. They made me smile and laugh. :o)
8. I saw a number on the scale today I've not seen in YEARS. Woo hoo!!!
No milestones.
12 comments:
Oh I had a lump in my throat as I read through this, Rach.
xox
Jane
So glad Lily-Lily-Lily was able to make the break through with her lessons. Thinking of you and yours.
D in Spfld
Well, I'll start with the fact that Lily made me cry. Bless her heart.
Now to you. I'm sure that discussion was both difficult and maybe cleansing in a way to be able to share more information to help Lily get over a fear, but to explain things to Lil just a bit more. She remembers Hannah a bit on her own in ways I'm sure, but this gives more. Still, tough stuff and atagirl for getting through it.
The scale, big atagirl there, too. :)!!!
You'll see my face in person some day. I promise. I live a lil ways up the road, though.
Oh Rach. Sweet lily! How wonderful that you were able to help her through her fear and encourage her. I know Hannah would be so proud!
I cannot believe Lily and bean are so grown up! We need to meet one day. I feel like I've known you forever!!!!
So glad she told you what was wrong - and that you could help her to understand and to fix it. I so wish things were different for you all.
Good luck at lessons - we just wrapped up ours here for the time being - though our six year old wants to keep going - and who am I to stop her!
Wow, I have tears in my eyes. I have posted a few times but usually I just "lurk"--going to make sure and post more. It sounds silly, but I think and pray for your family a lot. I also think of Hannah when I see sparkly things :-) My name is Elizabeth and I have 2 boys (5 and 2) and live in Houston, TX.
*waving* Hi Rach! *squeeze*
One of the things I admire endlessly about you is the grace with which you've handled the loss of Hannah. I love how you just *know* when it's time to give Lily more information. It's such a fine balance, and you and B walk it with such adeptness. You are raising two beautiful, smart, funny kids, and you're doing it despite the loss of another beautiful girl.
I love catching up on your blog and seeing how y'all are doing. Even though I don't comment much, know that I read your posts every day and think of and pray for you often.
Sending much, much love to you, dear friend! {{{HUGS}}}
Hi, I've been reading your blog for a couple of years now but have never really posted a comment I don't think. I just wanted to say something as I feel a bit like I am trespassing if I don't!
My little girl lost her dad when she was a toddler and I have been talking to her bit by bit when I feel it is appropriate and it is working so far as much as it can do. Sometimes their little minds reach a kind of logic that you never expect them to like your Lily's did.
Take care, I will continue to read your blog and see how you are all doing.
Clare (from the UK)
Sweet Lil! It sounds like she carries her own burden, sometimes with kids, they don't tell you what they think every minute, so we don't know exactly what they are feeling until moments like this. She is a brave girl.
I am so happy that you and B and such wonderful parents. You love your children so much, and know what to say to help them through. Hooray for an awesome swim teacher too!
How awesome that you were able to have that talk with her and give her some comfort. You're such a good Mama!!!! Yay for open windows and a fresh breeze...it's my favorite!!! I looked at the Bean picture again covered in blue and giggled :) Whoo hoo for smaller numbers...I'm SO proud of you sweet friend!
Hi Rach,
I agree, it's important to judge how much information to give the kids and when. It sounds as though you judge it really well and you're responsive to Lily's questions and concerns.
Isla is old enough to understand most of what happened to her brother but we've still kept some details from her. They just don't need to know some things do they? No idea what we'll tell the new baby when it's older. I'll be following you lead though, I'm sure.
Well done on the health kick, you're doing so well.x
This is a little silly and off topic but still I'll post it. I've followed your blog for maybe six months now and love it. However last week when I went to look for new posts google told me I had to be invited to read your blog. I was bummed bc I had no ideal how to get an invite and then suddenly today it let me come right in. So I thought after all that work I should let you know I'm here and think your girls are PRECIOUS and you're a sweetheart. : ) with love from Kentucky Rachel
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