Growing Up

I received a phone call from the Parks and Rec department from the next county over.  They had found a photo on my blog they wanted to use for their circular and asked if they could use it.  Of course I had no problem with that (after I went to the post to see the photo in question), and poked around on that post a bit.  There I found this photo.  Look at her!  She was not quite three there, so tiny and so cute.

She's still tiny, but not that tiny.  And, she's still cute. :o)  But, she's growing up and doing so quickly.  She's having her first sleepover this evening.  The girls' mom came to pick her up and she'll be staying the night with them. 

Lil has stayed over with her Nana and Pop, her Lissie and her Aunt Jessie, but never before with non-family.  I confess, I'm a bit worried.  My girl is a homebody and I hope she's too busy have a good time to worry about being scared.  :fingers crossed: 

I was chuckling with Lissie yesterday over Lil and her antics.  She said once she puts the girls to bed (when they're staying the night with her), she goes downstairs and waits for Bitty to show up and explain why she can't go to sleep.  The laugh was because the child does the same thing here.  She never actually fights us, she just finds ten million reasons to get out of her bed.  And, while I can smile about it now, it's rather annoying when I so desperately want her to be in bed so I can finally have some down time.  :oS

So, here's hoping she's off her game and too busy playing with C and M to worry about not sleeping.  I'm only a little sad that my girl has reached this milestone--it means she's growing up.

In other events from the day, Sarah took pity on my poor bored hide and dragged her two up for a visit today.  Oh thank GOD!  Between the trip out last night and the visit today, I'm feeling in a far better humor. :o)  Sarah was a doll and got lunch for the girls and then cleaned my kitchen!  I didn't ask, she just came in and did it.  She even wiped down the counters and the table. :o) As if her company weren't enough.  Thank you thank you thank you!

And, I talked with Bev today and have lined up Angelica to come and help out from 10-1 everyday.  Thank you thank you thank you.  Whew!

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Sparklies:

1.  Company--and fun company at that. :o)
2.  Lily and Erin play together so beautifully.  It makes me so happy.  :o)
3.  Olympics Olympics Olympics.  My favorite!
4.  This video of Gracie singing.  If you are a fan of "The Big Bang Theory", you simply must watch it.  :o)
5.  This beautiful story from my hometown paper about a young boy thinking about and helping those less fortunate than he.
6.  Robin sent me this link to the most beautiful poem I've heard in a long long time.
7.  Lest I forget, this link of the top seven heroes in literature.  (Spoiler: Mr. Darcy and Gil are both on it--DUH!)

Milestone:
Another first that Hannah never had--first sleepover. :sigh:

Thank You, Nana!

I got out tonight! Nana came by to take me grocery shopping.  I was beyond excited to get out.  If anyone had told me three weeks ago I would be thrilled to go grocery shopping instead of looking at it as a chore I'd have laughed at them. 

The last laugh is on me, though, isn't it?  ;o)

Amy texted today to find out how I was doing and I'm afraid I whined at her.  She's a good sport though, and I knew she could take it so I let her have it. Thanks, Amy!

After a good pep-text I sat and gave it some thought.  There is a lesson here for me and I think I need to learn it.  Sometimes I'm hardheaded and stubborn but I know there's a message here.  Although I think I can do it all (okay, know ;oP), I need to learn how to ask for help and to rely on others sometimes.  I think it's all about me learning to ask when I need help and to accept that others don't find me a burden.

I had my TJ's list ready and was so happy to get out for a bit.  The foot starts to throb and ache when I'm up for too long and I felt my toes starting to swell.  All of which tells me I need to continue to take it easy and that it's going to take a while to get back to 100%.  :sigh:  Did I mention I have a tendency to be a bit impatient?? :eye roll:


Lily goes to spend the week with Lissie next week, and I'll be honest, I'm really worried.  She's my arms and legs right now.  She played with the "magic wand" today--the one that made objects on the carpet disappear and makes a loud noise.  She cleaned up the living room and the kitchen floor.   She lets Holly out and in and out and in and chases down Ellie for me.  She gets me water and and carries items to and from the table for me.  I truly have no idea what I'm going to do without her.  :oS 

Actually, I do know.  I'm contacting Angelica and Alex and seeing if I can have either of them from 10-noon in the mornings.  That's what I'm doing.  :oS

Bitty is going to have so much fun!  She'll be with Ella--her best friend in the entire world--she'll have JFHD (otherwise known as Junk Food Heaven Day) and trips to the pool (where she can now swim and play with Ella) and adventures galore.  I'm so happy she gets that reprieve from me and the cabin fever we have going on. 

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Sparklies:

1.  Did I tell you we have tadpoles in Hannah's waterlily? 
2.  Did I tell you B had finished the new home for the waterlily?
3.  Getting out of the house!  Woo hoo!
4.  TJ's.  I love I can get a cart FULL of organic produce and dairy and pay less than I would at the other grocery. 
5.  B had an easy time with the girls for bed tonight.
6.  Speaking of Brien, let's give the man some props--he's working all day, coming home and then cooking and cleaning and putting the kids to bed (oh, and taking care of my needs as well). 

No milestones.

Weekend Review

We got out the glitter glue, glow-in-the-dark and white pens, and bling and attacked the cast this weekend.

I figured if it was going to be decorated I needed to get in on the action.  ;o)

What cast is complete without a giant kitty?

 Or shooting star?

 More swirly twirlies.  They're fun.  What can I say?

And, another kitty. :o)

So, I've been completely in my element this weekend.  It's the OLYMPICS!!!!!! :o)  The Opening Ceremony was fabulous.  I'm a mega Anglophile and loved the show Danny Boyle put on.  Jori and I texted back and forth for over 4.5 hours(!!) throughout.  She's the perfect Olympics buddy since she is the only other person I know to get into them as much as I do.

Yes, Brien enjoys them (our new favorite event to watch archery!) and he and I will sit and watch together, but Jori and I are rabid.  We've been texting back and forth the past couple of days.  It makes it so fun!

I've tried to explain my internet friendships to folks, and it's really like having pen pals.  :o)

Lil made it through most of the Opening Ceremony.  I lost her around 10:00.  Oh how I enjoyed that show!  Mr. Bean!!!!!  My abs were killing me by the time it was done.  Ha!

I've been staying up to midnight each night.  I've lost B as well.

Not George, though. ;o)

So sweet.  She's such a sweetie and such a good girl.  I don't know what I would do without her to help me right now.

This was last night.  We'll probably have a replay tonight as well.

It's the Olympics! Swimming is over.  Let her stay up and watch and then sleep in the next day.  Why not?  She'll only get to every four years (we're not doing it during the winter games during the school year!).

This one is NOT allowed to stay up.  ;o) 

She doesn't know what's going on and doesn't care other than her beloved Bubble Guppies isn't on the screen.

You know, like it is here.  :oP

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Sparklies:

1.  Opening Ceremony and Olympics!!  Hooray!!  You know me, I'm not worried about medal count.  I'm most interested in the athletes and seeing them put on their best. :o)
2.  I've been working on my cross stitch snowman.  I'm getting there. ;o) 
3.  Visiting today with Troy and Kat and the kiddos.  We've not seen them since Greyson's birthday and it was nice to get in a couple of hours' visit.  Kat texted to let me know Greyson called out, "I love you, Lily" as they pulled away.  :o)  So sweet!
4.  My neighbors are all so awesome!  Marcia offered to take Lil to the swim team picnic and awards last night and then when she had to come home early, Bev brought her home.  :o)  Lil received a plaque(!) and left it with Marcia who then brought it to us this afternoon.  So sweet!
5.  Have I mentioned I'm loving the Olympics??
6.  Texting with bloggy/internet friends--y'all are so sweet to check on me.
7.  A lovely RAK surprise arrived in the mail from ME yesterday.  Thank you, ME!! :o)

No milestones.

Need for Organization

I don't know what it is, but I'm insanely attracted organizational systems and organizing.  I feel a need to make order out of the chaos that is my life with two small children, a husband, and various critters.

I have organized the offudio and am constantly looking to make improvements (which will not be happening for the foreseeable future, drat it all).  I have a home organization binder.  I have systems in my drawers and in place in the pantry and linen closets. 

If there is disorder and clutter, I get anxious and out of sorts.  Hence me need to make order from the mess that was my embroidery flosses.

In my former cross stitching life, I had two of these bad boys filled with flosses.  Sure, it's a pain in the tukkus to wind all those flosses onto the cards, but you can't argue with the results:

How lovely is this sight?  My Roy G Biv OCD gets a bit riled that they're not in rainbow order, but number order is far more important when cross stitching.  I've even printed off a check-off sheet of all the DMC flosses and checked off the ones I have so I know which ones I need to purchase when a new project crops up. 

(Some of those flosses are hand-me-downs from Nana, so I didn't wind all of them. ;oP)

My snowman is coming right along and I just purchased a lighted magnifier so I can work without going blind. ;o)  Whew!

I'm harboring quite a bit of guilt over the amount of work poor Lil is having to do for me.  She is shouldering a HUGE amount of responsibility for a six year old and her summer is shot.  Poor baby.

I was able to get Miss Bean out of her bed this morning and got breakfast for the girls.  I also got two loads of laundry in the washer--one of which is in the dryer now--and I'm thinking I'm going to have to ask Lil to help out once more with bringing the laundry in to me so I can fold it. :oS

I got lunch for the girls as well (go me!--although it did put a hitch in my getalong trying to balance myself on the walker/scooter/thingy) and even managed to clean out the fridge a bit (it's amazing how decomposed unused produce can become in three weeks...Yuck!) and load the dishwasher. 

So, it is possible to do these things, it just takes more effort.  And, I really do want to stay off my feet (foot) until the right one no longer starts throbbing every time I stand up.  :oS 

Nana is coming by after work to swing me by the grocery store.  Who would have thought I would get excited about a trip to TJ's? ;o)  I'm also sending B out to the FM tomorrow morning (although he may not know it yet...).  I'm desperately craving fresh produce and at least one more go 'round with summer peaches.  I've had two terrible batches, one meh batch and two extra-schlurpy juicy flavorful batches.  I know the ones from the FM are divine and want to gorge myself on them.  :o)

So, life is slowly progressing towards some semblance of "normal" once again.  I just need help to do it. ;o)

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Sparklies:

1.  The girls aren't the only ones who like to play on the knee walker:

Ha!  That George is such a stinker!

2.  Being able to get up and move a bit and take care of my girls.  I was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday so it's nice to be having an uptick today.

3.  Organizing. Yay!

No milestones.

The Ankle Saga Continues

 I'm so chuffed I have a cast!  Hooray!!  I know, I know, who's chuffed about a cast, huh?  Well, the girl who's been living in a splint for the past three weeks is overjoyed to finally have more support and stability for her ankle. :o)

My choices were black, blue and fluorescent pink.  I tossed the pink idea immediately (having lived in a pink cast for 6 weeks 19 years ago, it was a pretty easy thing to do.  Besides, did I mention it was Dayglo?) and waffled between the black and blue.  I finally settled on blue and the girls are going to sparkly-fy it tomorrow. :o)

Since I'm sure there are those among you with weak stomach, I'm not posting the photo of the frankenankle.  You can click here to see it if you just have to know what it looks like.  I can assure you, I wish I didn't know.  Ew.  But, there are those folks out there (Nana!) who are curious and have cast iron stomachs so there ya go.

I was a bit dismayed to see my poor atrophied leg, though. Look at it.  It's all shrively and sad.  :o(  :sigh: 

I'm so bummed about my movement regime and can't wait to get going on it again.  I'll tell you this, using that knee walker and the crutches both are quite the workout, though. ;o)  Too bad it's not the cardio I'd been working.  And to think I had hoped to do the Color Run 5 K in Richmond in September. Oh well.  There's always next year.

As if the shriveled leg weren't enough, there was the bruised and swollen foot.  Holy smokes!  I swear it looks like a pig's trotter!

Look at that puffiness!  Dr. P wanted to do another set of x-rays on the foot to make sure everything was okay before casting.  Thank goodness all is well.  Whew!

He reckoned the bandaged around the incision was tight enough to ward off any inflammation in the ankle and instead forced it into my foot and toes.  This in turn is what has made my toes and top of my foot numb.  He figures the swelling will go down in about two weeks and I'll have to go back for a new cast. 

I'll be casted until September 5 at the earliest, at which time I'll begin some intensive physical therapy.  Let me tell you how tight my foot is...Oh my.

So, no driving and all hobbling around.  Good times.  Lissie leaves me tomorrow.  I'm really starting to panic, trying to figure out how I'm going to get it all done.  I'm still to sit and elevate for another week or so.  I suppose I'll do what I can and just let the rest go.  Besides, we never know what we're capable of until we're in the midst of it.

Oh, for those of you who requested it, the tuna casserole recipe is up over on Follow Your Bliss.  I hope you enjoy it!

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Sparklies:

1.  I made it to swimming practice today. 
2.  My cast.  Hip hip hooray!!!
3.  Having Lissie here to help has been such a blessing!
4.  The Olympics start in TWO DAYS!  I can hardly wait!
5.  Being brave enough to look at my ankle.  :oS  That really is a sparkly for me.  I swear it is.

No milestones.

A Sad Sad Tale

One of our family's favorite comfort foods is the tuna casserole Lissie made up when Jessie and I were tiny kids.  Whenever we all get together, it's a sure bet tuna casserole will be made.  Jess and I love it, our kids love it, and it makes enough to feed an army. 

I wanted Lissie to make one (it always tastes better when somebody else makes it) so we could have it for dinner tonight, lunch tomorrow and again for dinner tomorrow night (did I mention it feeds an army??). 

As she was putting it together, she had the oven preheating.  She popped it in, and we all chilled in the living room, waiting for dinner to be ready.  Liss was on top of things today and we were going to have bubbly, creamy, tuna-y, cheesy goodness at 5:30.  I couldn't wait!

Tragedy struck when Liss walked in the kitchen at 5:30 and discovered PF flashing on the oven control panel.  You see, that is what shows up when we've had a power failure.  ACK!  Yes, we were having thunder storms--and boy were they doozies--but none of us noticed the power flickering.  The oven sure noticed though.

There in the oven sat the cold, uncooked tuna casserole.  :o(  You're feeling really sorry for me, aren't you?  Here it is 6:10 and no dinner.  Buuuut, that tuna sure does smell good cooking and bubbling away in the oven. 

Duh!  We should have noticed we weren't smelling it baking. :sigh: 

Oh well.  So dinner's been a bit delayed and everyone knows delayed gratification makes everything better, right? ;o)
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Sparklies:

1.  We ventured out today!  We went to the library (where I used ye olde knee walker) and then to the Rocking Chair Store for lunch (where I used crutches).  We came home and I was utterly wiped out!  Go figure. 
2.  As I sit here with my leg all propped up, Lissie just brought me a bowl of tuna casserole.  YUM!
3.  I actually felt my toes coming to life last night!  Hooray!  They're numb again today, but there was definitely feeling last night and boy were those piggies a tinglin'. 
4.  Thunder storms reminding me of my Monkey.
5.  My cross stitch is coming right along. AND, Jessie picked up a pattern for me today. :o)

No Milestones.

The Girls Update

Nothing earth shattering happened today, I just realized I hadn't posted anything about the girls' growth and development in a while.  Poor Beanie...Lil had every new word posted and shared.  Not so Miss Bean.  Oops.  I suppose it really does come with being the youngest, huh? 

Being laid up and unable to do my usual things, I find I'm becoming more than a bit irritable and erm...grumpy.  To put it mildly.  My Bitty is taking the brunt of it, poor sweet thing.  As Mom was just saying to me, "Lily sure is a HUGE helper.  She did a TON of chores today."  Which made me think, just what did Bitty do today?
*Scooped the catbox
*vacuumed the bathroom
*vacuumed the stairs
*cleaned/straightened the playroom
*emptied the silverware basket
*cleared the table after she ate all three meals
*helped me clean up the recycling--multiple times
*moved the clothes from washer to dryer
*put away her laundry
*corralled Beanie--multiple times
*was a doorman with Holly dog
*fed the cats
*straightened her room
*helped Miss Bean brush her teeth

Holy smokes!  The child did a ton!  I take it all for granted, and yes, as a member of our household, she should be helping out, but I don't guess I've ever sat down to really see all she does and tell her how much I appreciate it.  I must remember not to take anything for granted.  As the events in Colorado reminded me, we're only promised this moment.  I need to be sure to appreciate her and let her know that, instead of becoming peeved and irritated when she is harassing her sister yet again. :oS

Meanwhile, Miss Ellie-roo has taken to running off with my things since she knows I can't give chase.  Besides the fact she's bored to tears since she's not getting out of the house, she's just busy.  The child has always been busy, so this isn't shocking.  In a desperate attempt to keep her entertained without sitting through yet another episode of Bubble Guppies--I'm so TV weary--I pulled out my "Talking Tom" app.  It was love at first squeak.  She said something to Tom and he repeated it, and she was off and jabbering.  The child is having a language explosion, and "kitty" became her new best friend.  He listened to her intently and repeated everything she said!  She carried him from room to room, showing him things, telling him about everything she saw.  More than once I heard her say, "See, Kitty,..." as she wandered around the house.  The phone had no battery when she returned it. ;o) 

And, the thing is, she is having a language explosion. She returned from BK and the playground Saturday, came running to me and said, "Mommy, I had gooooood playground!"  As we think has been posited before, the baby (who truly is no longer a baby) has a brain that is working a million miles a minute, but her expressive language vocabulary just hasn't caught up to it.  She becomes frustrated and acts out that frustration in very inappropriate ways.  That said, the child's vocabulary grows by leaps and bounds every day.  She calls Lissie "Wissie".  Lily is "Wiwy".  Those little L's are just nonexistent and it makes me smile to hear her speak.  She adores "Chocwick meelk" and now thinks "petie butter" is the most delicious thing in the world. 

I really do need to make it a point to create a Beanie vocabulary guide one day soon so I don't forget all these gems. :o)

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Sparklies:

1.  I was texting Amy telling her Fred no longer likes me because he doesn't like my leg and she made me laugh by suggesting I rub it with catnip.  Now why didn't I think of that??
2.  A wonderful email from Jessie today.
3.  Lissie being such a good sport about all she has to do to help me out.
4.  A friend requested Lil go to the library with her grandson for craft time this morning.  Lil had a blast!
5.  No meds until this evening.
6.  Speaking of--I was able to sit at the kitchen table for about an hour today before the ankle and foot just couldn't tolerate it a moment longer.  However, I'm fearing I may have pushed it a bit...I'll be more careful tomorrow.
7.  All the laundry is DONE!!!!  Yay!! I had gotten behind, but I'm all caught up.  Whew!
8.  Holy smokes I'm in love with this artist!  I first saw one of his works pinned over on Pinterest about six or eight months ago and fell hard.  The more I see, the more I love.  :o)  May I just say I'm insanely jealous my sister now has one of his paintings hanging in her family room?  I don't know if I've ever shared this, but our family has an eerie habit of purchasing the same bedding, furniture, artwork, etc. without any knowledge the others have done so.  For example, Lissie and Aunt Susan had the same living room furniture and bedding, purchased independently without knowledge of the other having done so.  At one time, Jessie, Lissie and I all had the same bedding--again without knowing the others had it.  Crazy!  So, I wasn't surprised to see J had picked up this art.  Of course she loved it. ;o)

No milestones.

The Pampered Life

I fear I'm becoming a bit "spoilt".  You see, I sit around doing nothing all day and others do all the cooking and cleaning.  The return to reality is going to stink. ;o) 

Actually, nah.  I can't wait until I'm able to get up and do what needs to be done when it needs to be done and not at the whim of somebody else.  I had my worst moment by far, last night, when Bitty screamed in terror and there was absolutely no way for me to get to her.  I have to admit, I cried a bit over that one.

Bitty?  She was fine.  She had had B tuck her in "tight" and somehow managed to get her head stuck under the covers and couldn't breathe and awoke disoriented and unable to find her way out.  By the time B made it up to her she had figured it out.  Thank goodness.  Poor Little Bit. :o(

I miss cooking.  I really do.  Brien made the most amazing carnitas and guacamole tonight complete with that delicious looking salad up there.  You can find the recipe here.  It is so good!  Don't let the feta throw you off, it really is quite amazing in the salad. :o)

He also fixed corn on the cob for the c-o-t-c lovers in the house.

I have no idea who that might be...

 Certainly not either of these two little monkeys. ;o)

 Definitely not. :oP

Speaking of little monkeys, Miss Beanie thoroughly enjoyed her meal.  Miss Bit sat at the table before we were ready to eat and Ellie-roo climbed in her seat.  Bit started helping herself to some of the meat and being the good sister she is, shared with her "sissy" (yes, she calls her that on occasion).  I had no clue and suddenly a little voice is saying to me, "More meats please!" Hee hee! 

I can't seem to get comfortable today.  The swelling is going down and my incision hurts less and less, and itches more and more. However, no I'm very aware of the pain in my foot where my ligament has been stretched and moved to its new job (btw, may I just complain for a moment about "its" and "it's"?  Why is it we add an apostrophe S to make words possessive until the word is "it"?? Sorry, I'm done.).  In addition to that, I discovered today the top of my foot and my third and fourth toes are a bit numb.  Excellent.  :sigh:  Don't worry, I'm planning on mentioning it to the the doctor on Wednesday. 

Lissie returns this evening and I'm looking forward to it.  I don't know what I'm going to do when she leaves me again. :oS  I'll enjoy her and her help while she's here and worry about after later. 

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Sparklies:

1.  My girlie still loves to read:

What is it about kids and laundry baskets?  Both of them have set up house in them with various and sundry pillows and soft things. 

2.  My new knee walker. 

We all love it. ;o)  It is rather handy to have, and now I'm waiting for B and Pop to rig up some sort of basket thing for me.

3.  Um, really?

Who would think taking this on the stairs was a good idea?!?

4.  Jane, you doll you!  Thank you for your sweet comment about my mighty fine legs. ;o)
5.  Less pain in my ankle, foot and leg.  Whew!
6.  Lissie returning.
7.  Happy birthday to Miss Kelsey who turned Sweet 16 today!  How this is even possible I have no clue.  I swear to goodness the child was just born.  Oy.

No milestones.

HHD and an Ankle Update

Well, HHD was different from others we've experienced, mostly because I was stuck on my heiny in a chair for the majority of the day.  We didn't do anything as a family until the evening when Nana and Pop came over for dinner.  Lil went to play with her friend, Camryn, during the afternoon and I tried to nap.

I was out of sorts for most of the day and Amy really nailed it.  It was a milestone in that the day and date coincided with the day and date of the actual event.  Additionally, I was unable to get out and do what we typically do on HHD.  Add to that the fact I'm doing the summer after Kindergarten thing with Lil (like I did that year with Han) and that Lil is surpassing so many things Hannah ever did and I'm in a strange and awful place. 

Because of this busted ankle (more on that in a moment), I'm even more out of sorts and I really need to sit and think and absorb and write and I just don't feel like doing it.  I'm so tired of my computer I could cry. :oS

My mom has been a godsend, truly.  She came Monday afternoon before the surgery and has been here to be the mommy I can't be.  She gets up in the morning with the girls, gets them out of bed and brekky and vacuums and does laundry and cleans the kitchen and helps keep Bean in check and sits and does nothing for hours on end when I know there is so much more she could be doing.  She does lunch for the girls (and me) and cooks dinner and cleans the kitchen some more.  It is not glamorous and I feel so very guilty that she has to do these things for me. 

She left this afternoon (she needed to get home and I don't blame her a bit) and will return Sunday afternoon to stay with me next week as well.  Again, I feel terrible that she has to come all this way, but she swears she doesn't mind and it's what moms do. 

It was wonderful to have her here yesterday.  We got the girls all dolled up in dresses and read stories.  She made a lemon pound cake and whipped cream (Han loved whipped cream and had just learned to trill her "r"s to say "Whipped cr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-eam" hee hee).  B made spaghetti (a fave of everyone) and Pop brought mascerated strawberries and Texas Toast.  Oh, Lissie also made salad (another Han fave).

Pop brought along balloons, and remembering last year and how a couple little girls didn't want to release theirs, he brought along extras.  The Hannah balloon this year was a beautiful baby blue with butterflies on it.  :o)

After dinner I hobbled my way outside and sat on our new (to us) settee.  Pop divvied up the balloons and we let them go.

I loved that my seat provided a view framed by leaves.  :o)

Although some of them had been released after others, they all stayed together in a group.  That's the first time we've seen them do that.  It began to rain a bit and I kept hoping for a rainbow, but the sun and rain couldn't seem to coordinate their schedules, so it didn't happen.  Oh well. 

We came in and had our pound cake topped with strawberries and cr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-eam.  :o) 

Pop picked up these guys from the balloon store.  We've had a grand time playing with them today. :o) 

And, speaking of today, look what arrived for me!  We contacted our insurance who said they would cover 70% of the cost of a rental.  We were then contacted by a local medical supply company who had received an order from my doctor's office.  They called last night and just delivered it this afternoon. 

The arrival was rather timely as I had just returned from the doctor's office.  Holy smokes my ankle is ghastly!  They took off the splint to check my healing and apparently it looks good.  I pretty much refused to look (I'm the girl that always hid her face and asked, "Papa, how bad is it?" and now ask, "Honey, how bad is it?").  Brien came with me today because he knew I would refuse to look and he wanted to know.  Ha!  The incision is between 7" and 8" long and held together with staples.  It's going to be a massively awful scar and I must come up with a good story to go with it.  :oP

My foot is purple and swollen--which is to be expected given it was chopped upon and all.  My bone is now being held together with eight screws and a plate.  Because that ligament that was supposed to provide stability was no longer in existence (Dr. P said as much) he wound up pulling a ligament from another area in my foot and suturing it in place.  He said I should have SO much stability now and that once everything is healed I'll be in better shape than I have been since I was 16.  Hooray!

I'll go next Wednesday to have the staples removed *gulp* and will have a cast put on then. 

I'm not having much pain at this point--yay.  Or, at least, I'm not having much pain that can't be helped by some Motrin.  This is good.  I'm not pleased with the splint I received today, however.  As this is the fourth splint I've had, I feel qualified to say when it's good or bad.  This one is better than the one I got at the ER, but only barely. :oS  I'm truly looking forward to the cast.  Gee, I never thought I would say that. 

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Sparklies:

1.  Healing well.  No pus. No untoward inflammation.  A straight bone well put together.  This is good.
2.  Less pain.
3.  My mommy. Thank you so much, Liss.
4.  All the stories of RAKs from across the US.  Thank you all so very much for joining in and remembering my beautiful, sparkly girl. :o)
5. "I'm weally hungwy, Daddy!" coming from the kitchen. Ha! She's climbed up in her seat and put on her bib and everything. ;o)

No Milestones.

A Note to Myself

Dearest Rachael, 

Under no circumstances should you ever, ever use dilaudid ever again.  It made you twitchy, jumpy, nervous, nauseated and dizzy.  It was a bad bad scene and it took you hours to recover from it.  Never again.  Don't do it. 

As for your ankle, girlie, it's a good thing you've been staying off it.  You have kept your feet propped up and have only gotten up when absolutely necessary.  It would have been better had you thought to ice it yesterday, but you took care of that today. 

You can definitely feel the incision site as there is a burning sensation along it.  I don't think it's infected, it's just tight (gee, why would there be any swelling?) and burny.  The ankle is throbbing as well, but I suppose that's to be expected.

You are still going a bit stir crazy but when dealing with the dizziness and nausea of today, it's not a bad thing for you to be on your rump.  Hang in there, and remember, NO MORE OPIATES!!!!

Love,
Rach

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HHD 2012 is tomorrow (today if you're reading this Thursday the 19th).  This is the first year Heaven Day has coincided with the day she died.  Sure, it's always on the 19th, but this year, the 19th is that dreaded Thursday.  Oh how I despised Thursdays for so very long. 

I have a feeling HHD is going to be a bit more difficult this year, as I'm unable to do anything.  I need to sit and reflect and write about my girl, but I'm unable to do so I'm so distracted by everything else going on around me. 

I know we're going to have a Hannah meal and a Hannah dessert and release Hannah balloons, but I'm just not sure how the rest of the day is going to play out.  I'm feeling a down yo coming on and I don't wanna.  I'm feeling sorry for myself because of this blasted ankle and the adverse reaction to the medicine and I'm missing my girl. 

To put it bluntly, if crudely, loss sucks.  I think I may have said that once or twice before.  Life goes on even when you don't want it to.  Then, it continues to go on and you do want it to.  But it's not the same, and it will never be the same, and you don't want it to be the same.  Instead, you want it to be the way it was.  Life may be good (and believe me, in spite of everything, I have a most wonderful life, I really do), but that doesn't mean you don't want things to be as they were.  You also had a good life before that loss, you know. 

I've been listening to my "Chocolat" soundtrack.  Miss Monkey called it "Shuffle-up" and she and Liss would dance their hearts out to it.  I watched "Chocolat" this afternoon, and as always, the scene where it appears Anouk has gone up in flames on Roux's boat and Vianne throws herself in the water to try to get to her left me breathless.  I know that feeling all to well, that scene hits way too close to home for me. 

And yet, I still love the movie--what a wonderful story.  (Johnny Depp surely doesn't hurt, either. ;o)  )

I lost track of myself somewhere in there...hm. 

At any rate, Hannah's gone and she's not coming back and it's up to us to remember her and honor her and tell her stories.  Those who are left behind are quite important.  As I've said before (some of you may not have been here long enough to have read it), please please say my child's name.  Never be afraid of making me sad or making me cry.  I'm going to be sad and cry no matter what, so let me know you remember my baby, let me know she touched your life. 

I know we are all so uncomfortable around death and we're all so afraid of saying the wrong thing (saying, "I know just how you feel.  I thought my life was over when we had to put Spot down." is definitely wrong--don't go there!) that we wind up being awkward and not saying anything.  Reach out to your friends who have experienced loss (of any sort).  Be there with a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.  Be there with a hand to hold and love in your heart.  Come with stories of the loved one, let your friends know you knew their loved one and remember them fondly and/or with love. 

It's scary taking those steps because you don't want to make a misstep--I get that.  But, I can promise you, most everyone will be so appreciative they won't be able to express themselves.

As for our family?  Tomorrow may be a day for all things sparkly and divine.  Fancy Nancy shall be our motto for the day and we shall have tea parties and make whipped cream and throw ourselves full-speed-ahead into life and living, living a Hannah-like day.  I'm willing to bet she and her buddies in heaven will be joining in the festivities.  :o)

No More Whining

So, the year I was sixteen, I tore all the ligaments in my right ankle, resulting in a cast for eight weeks--two in a plaster cast, six in fiberglass.  Did I mention I had an air cast on the left leg for a sprain suffered earlier in the track season?  No?  Well, yeah.  I was quite the sight hobbling down the halls at school.

That right ankle was quite the mess, and it's never been the same since.  It's the ankle I can depend upon popping, rolling and in general hurting.  I asked Dr. P before the surgery what was going to happen.  He told me he was going to screw the bones back together with screws on the backside and a plate on the front.  Then, he was going to look at my damaged ligaments and cartilage and and see what he could do to repair them. 

It would seem I had no ligament on the top side.  Huh.  I guess that makes sense since it's so damaged.  He told me he could do this one surgery and maybe have to do another down the road, or, I could just repair the break and definitely go back in for another surgery.  No thank you. Let's just fix it all in one fell swoop. 

He said with a cartilage repair, he typically likes for folks to be up and moving within three days, but given I'll have the broken ankle for six weeks...yeah.  Soooo, I'll most likely have some stiffness and tightness in the ankle and will need PT.  Super duper. 

But, I've been giving this a lot of thought.  This was the best thing that could have happened.  I can tell you I wouldn't have had those ligaments repaired and just would have dealt with the ankle as is.  I supposed I needed to slow down and take it a little easier, and given the state my ankle is in, I have to.  It's shorts season and NOT pants season, which is a good thing.  Ever tried to get pants over a cast?  I have.  It's not easy, nor is it fun.  And, it's summer which means tons of fresh fruits and veggies so my chances of gaining a crap ton of weight like I would if I were sitting on my duff in the middle of fall and winter going into hibernation mode. 

On top of all this, I think maybe some people in my life will have a greater appreciation of all I do around here to keep the house running.

Most importantly, though, I have some major control issues.  I like doing things that are my idea (such as taking a nap).  Being rendered unconscious and out of control is definitely outside my comfort zone.  Additionally, I'm super independent and right now, I can't be.  I think maybe I needed to be humbled a bit, and this is sure doing it for me.  

Now then, none of this is at all easy for me, but it's another life experience I'm learning from. 

My ankle hurts.  It didn't yesterday but sure does today.  I have a couple narcotics I could take, but since the 800 mg Motrin is doing it for me, I'm leaving the dilaudid for bedtime.  In addition, I'm really and truly staying off my feet, so that helps as well.  The doctor said I'd be in a splint for a couple of weeks until the sutures are out, and then a cast for 6 weeks.  Okey dokey.  Whatever it takes to get this bad boy healed, right?

Brien and my mom have been doing a wonderful job helping to keep the house clean and the girls busy.  Ellie likes to play on the "pink"--Monkey Lunchbox and Team Umi Zoomi are particular faves, although sometimes she likes to "read" "Gru".  If I've learned one thing from having Ellie, it's to never ever say "never".  :sigh:  Yes, my child plays on a computer and she's only two.  Oh well.

We were watching "The Sound of Music" and as we neared the end and the scene where Rolf turns on the Von Trapps, Lil needed a big fat snuggle from her daddy. 

That's another thing that has happened as a result of this bum leg.  Brien is now the one they turn to instead of me.  This is not all bad--especially in the middle of the night.  ;o)

***********************************
Sparklies:

1.  My ankle bones are no longer rubbing and popping against one another (sorry, TMI?) and it feels so much more stable now.  Whew.
2.  My view from the black chair:

Fred--he likes to hang out under the train table upstairs.

George--I think he was jealous of Fred.

3.  The giant bowl of fruit salad B made for me when I got in from the hospital last night.  Boy did that hit the spot.  The nausea went away and I was able to get good sleep.
4.  How about a mini Magnum bar:

I know it's hard to see, but they are so cute and they really hit the spot.  And, at only 100 calories a pop, it's not bad.
5.  Mom and Brien and Lil and Nana and Pop all taking care of me. Thanks, guys! Y'all are truly the best! :o)

No milestones.