Wednesday, January 02, 2013

A Slow Return to "Normal"

I spent the majority of today taking down Christmas and setting the house to rights. 

This was the scene last night.  *gulp*

I spent today not only taking down the decorations, but also consolidating, cleaning out and disposing of items long unused or unneeded.  I had purchased three new tubs from the sale at the 'jay and they have been put to good use.

And, now...now that my living room and kitchen are back to "normal", now my yo starts to drop.  I feel cheated somehow.  As I wrote before, I just wasn't in a Christmas-y frame of mind this year and had a hard time getting into the mood.

I feel cheated.

Please ignore the mess that is the kitchen.  When it comes to decorating or take down, everything else falls by the wayside.
While on the one hand I'm breathing intense sighs of relief that my house is back and uncluttered, on the other hand, I feel a sense of loss for what could have been this year.  I've not been myself and that worries me.

Again, please ignore that kitchen and coat closet.
It's not that I didn't have a wonderful Christmas, for I truly did.  I just didn't have a Rachael Christmas.  I don't know if it had to do with it being our fifth Christmas without Hannah (I'm having difficulty breathing just thinking about that), or what.  December was a real craptacular month for me and I'm more than happy to put it behind me and make a fresh start this year.

And, as much as I was looking forward to having my living room back, each time I look in that corner, I miss my tree.  What a contrary creature I am.  :oS 

While I was busy trying to get things set to rights inside, B was out in the workshop taking care of this beauty.  He raced through the final parts of making it so that I could have a gift Christmas morning.  So, although he had sanded the heck out of it with 220 grit sandpaper, the grain roughed up when it was stained.  So, he went out today to attack it with fine steel wool (UGH!! I hate that part!) and polyurethane.

He had to take it apart!!  My baby!!! I went out to check on getting the Christmas goodies put away in the attic and found he had stretched a line across the shop, and pieces of my baby were hanging from it.  Hanging

I know, I know, I want it to last, and it needed to be taken apart to make sure ALL the wood is protected, but man, it was painful to see it in pieces.  :o(

The plan is to give it three coats of polyurethane and then put it back together and hit it with a fourth coat.

When you work this hard on something, you want it to last.  Check out that curve for more comfortable seating. :o)

A lovely curve on the arm rest.  This baby is substantial!  I always sit down quite gingerly on the current swing, as it snaps and cracks and pops more than a bowl of Rice Krispies when I sit down.  :oS This is NOT a good thing.

Look at this thing.  I swear, I thought I was going to be stuck with it forever since the beautiful swings I coveted were well outside my price range.  My honey knows me, though, and the swing he made is absolutely perfect, and much nicer than anything we could have purchased in our price range.  I cannot wait to see it hanging here! :o)

Tomorrow we're going to head to B&N and see what we can find in the calendar department--nothing like a good sale. ;o)  And, I've got to take down Hannah's tree.  As always, I've left it for last.  I think there may be something to not wanting to say goodbye to Christmas and not wanting to say goodbye to Miss Monkey.

*****************************
Sparklies:

1.  Getting my house back in shape. We'll be pulling out the "ransom " or "uh-oh" box once more come Sunday night. 
2.  B is home with me for another couple of days.  It's been so wonderful having him here with me. :o)  I know it sounds trite, but it's utterly true, the best gift for me this Christmas was the time I spent with my family. 
3.  Speaking of Christmas, I could resist taking a photo of the table set for Christmas dinner:
I use the "good" dishes and silver so infrequently.

I love love love my china and silver and think I'm foolish for not using it more often.  (However, I sometimes kick myself for selecting the Brookhollow since I'm absolutely in love with Mom and Jess's India.  Oh well...). It's so frilly and fancy, and goodness knows I'm not a frilly and fancy kind of girl.  How funny is that?
4.  Miss Pincess.  Yes, that's right, PINcess
Nana and Pop gave her a 'Punzel dress and tiara for Christmas.  Miss Bean loves her some pincesses-es.  Yes, you read that right. ;o)

5.  So, we have these light-up toothbrushes that have suction cups on the ends.  Yes, they are stuck to my wall.  How this cracked me up!
6. And, what do you suppose happens when you've finished dinner, your children have finished clearing their places and you tell them it's time to go upstairs and get nakey for a shower?
Why this, of course!  Yes, that would be a diaper and a pair of pants in the middle of my living room floor.  :oP  We keep it cold in our house, folks.  It's about 66 in here and the child stripped buck nakey.  Oh well.  I guess she didn't notice. ;o)

Milestone:
Another new year started without the Monkey here with us.  I've still welcomed more new years with her than without her, but that won't always be the case and I just can't think about that.  I'm definitely missing my Monkey Girl more than usual this evening.  :sigh:

8 comments:

Allison said...

Thinking of you, Rachael. I miss your comments on Instagram!

Linda said...

Sending love your way , Rach.
My youngest son is in the Navy stationed in Greece, and this was our second Christmas without him home. It broke my heart to speak with him and hear the sadness in his voice. This Christmas was a sad one for us. :-(

Anonymous said...

Five years ago, my younger sister passed away suddenly, she was only 34 and left 3 young children. She refused to have photos taken of herself for the same reasons you listed in your blog...it makes me so sad now that we don't have photos of her with her children, and it is even more sad that her children don't have those photos. I think your goal is great and it takes courage, so I am encouraging you all the way.

Bailey's Leaf said...

I understand, in a way, how you felt over the holidays. M said he's never seen me chomp at the bit quite as much as wanting to have the Christmas things down. This year was more like a check list and not as enjoyable. I have some thoughts as to why. I am a creature of habit and some of my habitual Christmas stuff was thrown out of whack because of a variety of reasons. I also work with some pretty depressing people and I think that may have washed over part of my Christmas. I resolve to not have that happen again.

I'm issuing a challenge to you. Once a month, I want to see you pull out your china pretties and have something to eat on them. You don't have to pull out all of the parts. You don't have to have the 'wares with them. (Though gorgeous.) When I nearly stepped over to the light, I resolved that things were to be used, not to be kept "just for good." I want to see you post each month the China Challenge. As far as that goes, anyone else with good china should do the same. When we married, I didn't register for china. I didn't even have a sweeper, so we had to start at the bottom. The neighbor gave me his 4 piece set of china from his marriage. Though not my type of thing, I may very well have to pull out said china and participate. We'll iron out details, yes?

She knows you aren't a pincess fan, right? ;)

Your house is lovely, decluttered and in need of a NEW something to brighten it for the winter months. I also challenge you to make a something-or-another to winter your house and to give you a bridge from Christmas to spring.

How's that for homework?

jaydee said...

Rach, I think Bailey's Leaf challenge is a great idea for you - get out that china once a month and make a family special night.

Im thinking that you were probably feeling so much empathy for the families of Sandy Hook this year and that will have affected you, too.

I love B's chair and I can't imagine what it must have been like to have to take it all apart to put on the polyurethane... but it sure looks good!
Sending you a big warm hug
Jaydee

Korinthia Klein said...

I always feel just as relieved to get all the Christmas stuff down as I was to get it up in the first place. It's weird.

I'm sorry you can't have Hannah there with you. It's so unfair. I wish I had words to help but I'm sure they don't exist.

Your china is beautiful and sometimes frilly is fun.

Totally random comment, but I'm intrigued by the beautiful photos (at least I think they are photos) over your mantle. If you ever lack for post material can you walk us through those?

Christina said...

Just wanted to check in and say I hear you. This is definitely a hard time of year with all of the frantic energy floating around. Be kind to yourself. Take a few deep breaths and know you are being supported in prayer and cyber hugs.

Peg said...

Rach-
Been meaning to comment on this post for a few days. I just did some real work and my reward to myself was commenting on your blog :)

Holidays always kinda remind me of prom. You think it's going to be the best night of your life and after all is said and done it's just another night. I have these images in my head about what Christmas is in terms of the house. It's a holiday that in particular is filled with smells, sounds and sites. Like you, none of this moved me this year.

What's missing can't be filled with candles, ornaments and wreaths. Sigh. I'm so sorry Hannah isn't with your family. I think of her often and I didn't even meet her except through the love for her you show in this blog.

Sorry, starting to ramble...anyway, just wanted to drop a note of empathy. Oh and I love the bench...your man has some serious skills\

oh yeah, and I totally thought of your Flynn blanket when we watched tangled on disney channel the other night...Liam LOVES him :) Aidan of course loved the chameleon...:)

hugs down to the burg,
Peg