Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The Post That Got Away From Me
Life is just so daily. We get up and do the same routines and drive the same places and do the same things, and really, this is as it should be. I thrive on routine as do my girls, so I'm not complaining. I'm just thinking out loud (so to speak).
This is my space to write and capture moments and memories for the girls as well as to share my thoughts on random things that have no bearing on anyone else's lives, but that I find interesting or nifty.
I try to be open and honest and "real" (for lack of a better term) because I see so many blogs out there with lives that just seem so perfect--perfectly groomed and coiffed children and parents, perfectly clean and organized houses, perfectly manicured yards and perfectly cooked meals. I'm not perfect--not by any stretch of the imagination. Just ask Jessie, she'll tell you (you want honesty, go ask a sibling, they'll tell it like it is).
I don't want anyone to feel "bad" reading my blog. Sure, I do organizational sorts of things, and yes, I do cook, and yes, I share photos of my house when it's clean. But, hey, why in the world would I want to document the crap and the days when Ellie is driving me around the bend (not that she would EVER do such a thing, the sweet angel...) and I've turned into a screaming monster? Oh, wait, I do that, don't I? I just don't share the truly awful photos of the house...no, wait, I've done that as well. (In my defense, I did share the after of that godawful mess...)
I guess I'm sort of rambling here because I was thinking again about those perfect blogs, and how not perfect my life is--losing Hannah notwithstanding. I think we're like most everybody else out there, just trying to get by. Parenting is so blasted hard. I have a two-almost-three year old who is currently in an open defiance stage. Yes, it's to be expected as she is trying to assert her independence, but darnit, it's so hard to be patient when you tell your child not to do something and they look you dead in the eyes and grin as they do what they've been told not to do. And then, she grins even more when I'm trying to discipline her. ARGH!! I just want to explode and I'm sure B's going to come home one day and have to scrape me off the ceiling. :oS
Then, I have the piddler. I utterly adore the child, but holy smokes is she distractable. "Lil, go upstairs and put on your pj's." Twenty minutes later I find her still in her clothes playing with the cats or reading. GAH!!! It takes her thirty minutes to do something it would take me two to do--and not just because I'm a grown-up.
But, they're kids. I get that. They make mistakes and they learn from them. Childhood is for making mistakes and learning and moving forward. They're my kids and I love them with every fiber of my being, but they're far from perfect. I'm far from perfect. I work hard everyday to be the mom my children need and I feel there are days when I simply come up short. Being a mom is hard. You give up so much of who you are to take care of those little creatures, and it's a struggle to find time to be the you you were before they came along. Time is such a premium--a luxury even--and I find I'm constantly deciding if I want to read, craft, or sleep when I finally get some "me" time. There was a time when I could do all three... I want to stay up to the wee sma's so I can do all those things I want to do, but then I'm exhausted and sleep deprived and a bear and nobody wants to be around me, so instead I'm in bed by 10.
I've had discussions with friends and my husband and it seems men don't lose their identity the same way women do. Sure, they may be known as "Hannah's Daddy", but they're still themselves. Why is it women aren't? I'm suddenly a "mama" and not "Rachael". I don't think this is something that bothers me, so much as it's just an observation. Again, I'm simply thinking out loud here, and maybe Brien's the only man out there who didn't lose who he "is" when he had kids.
And, I'm not really sure where this post is going--it's sort of taken on a life of its own as I've begun to wax philosophical--so I think I better cut it off here before I ramble on any longer. :oS I guess, simply put, I want the takeaway from this post to be I'm not perfect, and in those perfect blogs, those folks aren't perfect either. And, if they are, I don't wanna know about it. ;o)
1. Ellie and I met up with Sarah, Lauren and Connor this morning:
2. Beanie's hair is getting SO long!
4. New raised beds!
5. I think I feel better from that little rambly thing up there. It was rather cathartic to get it out. I had no idea it was hiding in there, but lo and behold, it was. Who knew?